Hoobastank - The reason
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is You [x3]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
You'll find a better guy than me.. I'm not worth it, I do not deserve you cause I can't make you happy, I can't be anywhere or any closer to you when you need me... Truth is, I could never forget you, but I have to let you go, cause you deserve better.... I'm sorry.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, September 27, 2010
I feel like an ass
Yeap, the title says it, I'm an ass.. people see me that way, but do they even bother to care why? No, they dont, I dont like my life now.. not really, but just.. I dont feel like I belong here, I mean, why can't my parents give birth to me 2 years AFTER my brother was born? that would mean I'm 21 that time, so I would have an easy life now rather than this... I feel like a douche, yes..
Parents never did give any moral support or any love, I dont feel anything! why? because they didn't even give a damn about anything I do or achieve! all they care about is put the blame on me, scold my ass off and other piece of shit! All they care about is my brother! YES, I LOVE MY BROTHER! He's my brother in arms and BFF. AND YES, I'M JEALOUS! I know I should be grateful for all the sacrifice they have given to build this family, BUT IT'S LIKE THIS SON NEVER EXIST AT ALL! THEY THINK OF ME AS A DOG! TELL ME WHY?! my brother gets all the good stuff, while I get the fucked up stuff?! ALL THE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO HIM AND NOT ME?! ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND UP THERE?!!!
Friends, sure.. some friends are good and all, but idk.. I really hate this feeling, I like them all, but the feeling, it's like they dont really like u, the atmosphere change directly to zzz.. I mean come on... if I can't talk surely u guys can say something, anything... *shish* I just feel abandoned, thats all...
okay, about that love pyramid, triangle thinggy? screw it, I just made it up, ahahahahaha!! but I found out, I really like a girl, she's pretty cute, I mean REALLY cute, lol~~ can't stop thinking about her...
IDK! I REALLY DK! it's like I need a guidance or sth... maybe a miracle... jesus, help me already...
Parents never did give any moral support or any love, I dont feel anything! why? because they didn't even give a damn about anything I do or achieve! all they care about is put the blame on me, scold my ass off and other piece of shit! All they care about is my brother! YES, I LOVE MY BROTHER! He's my brother in arms and BFF. AND YES, I'M JEALOUS! I know I should be grateful for all the sacrifice they have given to build this family, BUT IT'S LIKE THIS SON NEVER EXIST AT ALL! THEY THINK OF ME AS A DOG! TELL ME WHY?! my brother gets all the good stuff, while I get the fucked up stuff?! ALL THE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO HIM AND NOT ME?! ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND UP THERE?!!!
Friends, sure.. some friends are good and all, but idk.. I really hate this feeling, I like them all, but the feeling, it's like they dont really like u, the atmosphere change directly to zzz.. I mean come on... if I can't talk surely u guys can say something, anything... *shish* I just feel abandoned, thats all...
okay, about that love pyramid, triangle thinggy? screw it, I just made it up, ahahahahaha!! but I found out, I really like a girl, she's pretty cute, I mean REALLY cute, lol~~ can't stop thinking about her...
IDK! I REALLY DK! it's like I need a guidance or sth... maybe a miracle... jesus, help me already...
Friday, September 24, 2010
Been awhile since I update my blog.. I looked at my recent post and realize , "lol, I wrote alot of crap in this blog"
Lots of things happen... some sad, some happy, others idk.
16th September 2010, my cousin got married =D, finally that bastard gets it done *well its about bloody time he do that!* I'm really happy for him that he married a nice girl *short but.. yeah XP* I drank red wine, yeah... red wine, my parents owe me a big time for drinking that much on their behalf, anyway, we had a blast, food was good, everybody sang, and they were overjoyed =)
18th September 2010, when I was in my grandfather's *mother side* house, a call came through, I thought my dad was checking up on me, alas... terrible news, my grandfather passed away, I wasn't sad or down.. just stunned, cause I dont know him that much nor do I ever talked with him, well, cause I dont know how to talk their language... but for some people, it's a good thing that his suffering had ended, cause he had canser in his lung, he suffered long enough... God watch over him...
19th September 2010, had to go back to KK and then fly to KL, then get a bus from KL to Perak, damn tired zzz
20th September 2010, arrived at 1.25 a.m, damn tired, slept, next morning went to my grandfather's house and saw him lying in his coffin.. funny how when you look to a lifeless person, it's like, you're staring at a Mask of Death, but then, what I saw, is a smile. He had his last smile on his death bed... yeah... funeral time.. it really hurts my ars, knee and ankle, but... at least we can see him for the last time...
23rd September 2010, somehow, something change in me, I myself dont know what, but I can feel it.
24th September 2010, back to school... same drill as always... at night, Idk why my brother suddenly go to my mum room and started crying.. talking bout sth, idk what =/, well, better not ask...
Lol, yeah I know, its like I'm writing a diary, but what the hell =)
Even if times are hard, and that no one is there for you, I fight to thrive through this challenge. Hate me? anti me? ignore me? all those shit talks behind my back? I dont care, life is just cruel to everyone, and I will not fall, I will prevail, watch me.
Lots of things happen... some sad, some happy, others idk.
16th September 2010, my cousin got married =D, finally that bastard gets it done *well its about bloody time he do that!* I'm really happy for him that he married a nice girl *short but.. yeah XP* I drank red wine, yeah... red wine, my parents owe me a big time for drinking that much on their behalf, anyway, we had a blast, food was good, everybody sang, and they were overjoyed =)
18th September 2010, when I was in my grandfather's *mother side* house, a call came through, I thought my dad was checking up on me, alas... terrible news, my grandfather passed away, I wasn't sad or down.. just stunned, cause I dont know him that much nor do I ever talked with him, well, cause I dont know how to talk their language... but for some people, it's a good thing that his suffering had ended, cause he had canser in his lung, he suffered long enough... God watch over him...
19th September 2010, had to go back to KK and then fly to KL, then get a bus from KL to Perak, damn tired zzz
20th September 2010, arrived at 1.25 a.m, damn tired, slept, next morning went to my grandfather's house and saw him lying in his coffin.. funny how when you look to a lifeless person, it's like, you're staring at a Mask of Death, but then, what I saw, is a smile. He had his last smile on his death bed... yeah... funeral time.. it really hurts my ars, knee and ankle, but... at least we can see him for the last time...
23rd September 2010, somehow, something change in me, I myself dont know what, but I can feel it.
24th September 2010, back to school... same drill as always... at night, Idk why my brother suddenly go to my mum room and started crying.. talking bout sth, idk what =/, well, better not ask...
Lol, yeah I know, its like I'm writing a diary, but what the hell =)
Even if times are hard, and that no one is there for you, I fight to thrive through this challenge. Hate me? anti me? ignore me? all those shit talks behind my back? I dont care, life is just cruel to everyone, and I will not fall, I will prevail, watch me.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
left in the dark
things just repeats itself again and again... seems like u cant always get a friend to be beside u all the time.. =/, sometimes.. its best to be alone, other times... u just wish that som1 is there for u... that u can hug him/her, and say "I love you, thank you... for being there when I need you" at any rate.. it seems i'm having this problem...
Friends... where's 1 when u need them, this morning was really fucked up... everything was planned well, until some of my classmates say busy, or personal problem... thats 1. and 2, it got canceled... I hate it when a plan doesn't comes together... decide to call my other *friends*... go with them onli... *busy, working, not at kk, too shy to go with me onli *what? WHAT? scared i'll eat u??* and etc etc... so final verdict? went to watch predator alone...
movie was fine.. good, but dull and.. i feel sad.. cause no1 accompany me... haiz... whole morning lonely... luckily just now went to eat sushi..... *SSSSSUUUUSSSSSHHHHHIIIIIIII and WWWWWWAAAAAAASSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBIIIIIIIII* that just cheered me up a little, oh how i feel like screaming on the hills now till my voice is all gone....
1 thing cruel in life? is that u dont have any company.. or friends to be there when u need them... haiz... always end up pissed and emo.. but yeah, at the end of the day... i just tend to forget it...
A thought just hits me... i wonder, if i die... will i be alone? will there be any1 there for me? would i even get married... haiz... i think too much future.. although i'm still very aware of the present now, but it would be silly, not to think of the future for once.
Signing out
Gary
Friends... where's 1 when u need them, this morning was really fucked up... everything was planned well, until some of my classmates say busy, or personal problem... thats 1. and 2, it got canceled... I hate it when a plan doesn't comes together... decide to call my other *friends*... go with them onli... *busy, working, not at kk, too shy to go with me onli *what? WHAT? scared i'll eat u??* and etc etc... so final verdict? went to watch predator alone...
movie was fine.. good, but dull and.. i feel sad.. cause no1 accompany me... haiz... whole morning lonely... luckily just now went to eat sushi..... *SSSSSUUUUSSSSSHHHHHIIIIIIII and WWWWWWAAAAAAASSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBIIIIIIIII* that just cheered me up a little, oh how i feel like screaming on the hills now till my voice is all gone....
1 thing cruel in life? is that u dont have any company.. or friends to be there when u need them... haiz... always end up pissed and emo.. but yeah, at the end of the day... i just tend to forget it...
A thought just hits me... i wonder, if i die... will i be alone? will there be any1 there for me? would i even get married... haiz... i think too much future.. although i'm still very aware of the present now, but it would be silly, not to think of the future for once.
Signing out
Gary
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
why do i even bother~~
oh god god god~~~, you can woop my ass all the way to kansas *or hell, like jacky said* but PLS!! give me a dam sign already!!!
1st of all, thank GOD! I can drive around kk without my parents in it -.-".
2nd, I passed my test... *I really hope my exam will be better*
3rd, brazil is in the last 8~~~~ *what, I know still early, but STILL!!*
4th, nice songs this few days... *what*
annddd 5th and the last of all... I think I'm getting the *job* done XD
yeap... last saturday went to 1b, wanted to watch movie alone, watch what? KNIGHT AND DAY~~, funny at 1st but yeah, the movie is fake *as always...* okay, where am I... oh, and then, a friend called me, idk why at 1st, I mean, I wanna watch alone, BUT yeah, end up watching with him.. after that, went to lunch, ask him about his life, exchange gossips, talks *boys talk~* and.. his problem, girl problem~~
okay, so this is how it goes, he told me that he's in love with a girl, but the girl is 4 years older than him *age doesnt matter* AND, she got a bf *it always happens...*, so yeah, where are we looking at now? a love triangle... *hmm* told me everything about it... and I gave him some advices *which also brings me back abit to the past, but its cool*
anyhow... I asked him some simple question.
1) Is she worth your time?
2) What is she to you?
3) Is she really the 1 for you?
4) You dont mind age differences?
Then, I gave him 1 question, "can you leave everything behind just for her?" what he said? "yes" but what is there to give up?
That is what I asked myself too, what is there to give up? you have nothing, nothing at all, being emo and down doesn't solve a goddamn problem. You think life is and could be easier? Well, then you're wrong, you're DAMN wrong, life is a challenge that GOD give us, a challenge to prove that we are strong in life, and that we can show our gratitude to him with this *sort of*
When I 1st heard some1 said "2 completely different person is a perfect couple?" I was like, "bullshit" now, I take that back...
okay... so that pentagon is reduced to square *god.. still...* idk... haha, its complicated.
Idk if you're reading this... but, all I want to say.. is thank you for the 2 years, you really changed me in those years... you meant alot to me, and now... that special feeling is gone... just wish we could stay as... friends, instead of total strangers... and I'm sorry, for everything... I know sorry isn't enough, but yeah...
Signing out,
Gary
1st of all, thank GOD! I can drive around kk without my parents in it -.-".
2nd, I passed my test... *I really hope my exam will be better*
3rd, brazil is in the last 8~~~~ *what, I know still early, but STILL!!*
4th, nice songs this few days... *what*
annddd 5th and the last of all... I think I'm getting the *job* done XD
yeap... last saturday went to 1b, wanted to watch movie alone, watch what? KNIGHT AND DAY~~, funny at 1st but yeah, the movie is fake *as always...* okay, where am I... oh, and then, a friend called me, idk why at 1st, I mean, I wanna watch alone, BUT yeah, end up watching with him.. after that, went to lunch, ask him about his life, exchange gossips, talks *boys talk~* and.. his problem, girl problem~~
okay, so this is how it goes, he told me that he's in love with a girl, but the girl is 4 years older than him *age doesnt matter* AND, she got a bf *it always happens...*, so yeah, where are we looking at now? a love triangle... *hmm* told me everything about it... and I gave him some advices *which also brings me back abit to the past, but its cool*
anyhow... I asked him some simple question.
1) Is she worth your time?
2) What is she to you?
3) Is she really the 1 for you?
4) You dont mind age differences?
Then, I gave him 1 question, "can you leave everything behind just for her?" what he said? "yes" but what is there to give up?
That is what I asked myself too, what is there to give up? you have nothing, nothing at all, being emo and down doesn't solve a goddamn problem. You think life is and could be easier? Well, then you're wrong, you're DAMN wrong, life is a challenge that GOD give us, a challenge to prove that we are strong in life, and that we can show our gratitude to him with this *sort of*
When I 1st heard some1 said "2 completely different person is a perfect couple?" I was like, "bullshit" now, I take that back...
okay... so that pentagon is reduced to square *god.. still...* idk... haha, its complicated.
Idk if you're reading this... but, all I want to say.. is thank you for the 2 years, you really changed me in those years... you meant alot to me, and now... that special feeling is gone... just wish we could stay as... friends, instead of total strangers... and I'm sorry, for everything... I know sorry isn't enough, but yeah...
Signing out,
Gary
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Things just ... happens, i guess?
Wow... I dont know what is wrong with me this morning.. well 1st of all, Alfred and Ng wen fung, they were annoying me *yes... for the past 1 month* and... idk, I just popped out out of no reason, *volcano blowed off, pufff!!* funny thing is, the class went silence for like... 10 sec? and then make noise again.. *Miss jossy somehow didnt heard my scream* yeah... was it the heat that makes the limit gone off? or is it something else... hmm...
but there's other things that keep bothering me... college, friends, and love *why this?* OKAY... college... lately didnt really study alot for ITN and microeconomics.. *how am I suppose to pass...* teachers was less *incorperate* and yeah, teaching method? sorry to say, it really looks like SHIT!
Friends? well... inbalance as I can see... somehow its like... "gaining lots of new friends, and losing a handful of friends... best friends.." haiz.. I dont really like this... maybe starting a new life also means, letting go of old friends... pfft.. "THE WAY OF LIFE" my ass...
love? *what* I FEEL LIKE KNOCKING MY FREAKIN HEAD OFF THE WALL!!! there's 4, 4!!!! I MEAN, WTF!! am I going nuts? zzz, or is god giving me a choice here... *shish* look at me, I sound like a PIMP! Haiz... God help me... why I sound nervous? well... umm.... i dont know myself...
Secondhand Serenade - Your Call
Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)
but there's other things that keep bothering me... college, friends, and love *why this?* OKAY... college... lately didnt really study alot for ITN and microeconomics.. *how am I suppose to pass...* teachers was less *incorperate* and yeah, teaching method? sorry to say, it really looks like SHIT!
Friends? well... inbalance as I can see... somehow its like... "gaining lots of new friends, and losing a handful of friends... best friends.." haiz.. I dont really like this... maybe starting a new life also means, letting go of old friends... pfft.. "THE WAY OF LIFE" my ass...
love? *what* I FEEL LIKE KNOCKING MY FREAKIN HEAD OFF THE WALL!!! there's 4, 4!!!! I MEAN, WTF!! am I going nuts? zzz, or is god giving me a choice here... *shish* look at me, I sound like a PIMP! Haiz... God help me... why I sound nervous? well... umm.... i dont know myself...
Secondhand Serenade - Your Call
Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
living in the shadows...
I realise now... I'm not a man of my word... I say things that I would do, but at the end, I didn't.. I'm confuse, I dont know why I wont keep my word, is it that hard? and then I got an answer "You dont keep your words because you're scared and overconfident, why you're scared? because you're afraid that you would lose your friends.. thats why you made that promise without thinking, why you're overconfident? Is because you want to prove to yourself that you can keep that promise, but at the end, you didn't, dont ever do that again, you idiot!" Now I admit... I'm the big bafun in this picture.. I'm a big fool...
I've been living in the shadows for the past months.. even when I said, I found a good life now, loving it... and all the happy things I could think of... I'm not myself, why? because if I become myself, I wouldn't let go of things.. I would still live in the past then, so I have to change myself... A different me. Yet that part of me still feel guilt... and ... I dont know... I just feel like I'm in the middle of ... everything, I guess you were right then... I am the root of all the problems that happen... sometimes... I just wish to God that I can turn back time again.. and change everything... what would happen.. I may not even exist in everybody's life... Heck, I feel pathetic..
Guess this maybe the last time I write my blog *I know I say it alot of time, but now, I'm really considering*
Goodbye old me...
Hello shadow of myself.
Gary.. aka bear "forever will be yours"
I've been living in the shadows for the past months.. even when I said, I found a good life now, loving it... and all the happy things I could think of... I'm not myself, why? because if I become myself, I wouldn't let go of things.. I would still live in the past then, so I have to change myself... A different me. Yet that part of me still feel guilt... and ... I dont know... I just feel like I'm in the middle of ... everything, I guess you were right then... I am the root of all the problems that happen... sometimes... I just wish to God that I can turn back time again.. and change everything... what would happen.. I may not even exist in everybody's life... Heck, I feel pathetic..
Guess this maybe the last time I write my blog *I know I say it alot of time, but now, I'm really considering*
Goodbye old me...
Hello shadow of myself.
Gary.. aka bear "forever will be yours"
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