letting it out

Personal blog... personal blog... oh personal blog... LOL, I'm talking to myself again. well, nothing much again, but yeah... haiz, lately didn't talk with lots of people.... I mean like 1 on 1 talk. Hahaha... I'm being left out again *cheers*, back to the place where I came from, where I drown, with all my sorrows, and feel that the walls is closing in, sealing u inside the torment of loneliness, and at the end, no one would even notice, you exist. Yes, I admit, I'm useless, I'm a useless, stupid, ignorant, crybaby, fucked up, no good son of a bitch, idiotic bastard. I cant even tell her how I feel... I cant even open a goddam topic now! every time I see her online msn, I would like, pretend she's offline, busy and all... WHY??!!! WHY??!!!!! I FREAKING HATE MYSELF, how I wish I could change myself... everything about myself... I can't joke, my personality isn't good... I can't even make her smile... can't see her smile. her face... everything.... just catches my breath away... and here I am... runting everything... I know, I'm selfish too, I remember that, would I be like that... if not for I have really fallen in love.

To see another girl in my sight is meaningless... but to look at you, means thousands to me... I keep remembering that day... dreaming about it.... just cant... stop. I probably am embarrassing myself.... No, I am indeed, but ... no1 else read this.