Shadow

2011-03-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

Hoobastank - The reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

You'll find a better guy than me.. I'm not worth it, I do not deserve you cause I can't make you happy, I can't be anywhere or any closer to you when you need me... Truth is, I could never forget you, but I have to let you go, cause you deserve better.... I'm sorry.

I feel like an ass

2010-09-27T21:39:00.000+08:00

Yeap, the title says it, I'm an ass.. people see me that way, but do they even bother to care why? No, they dont, I dont like my life now.. not really, but just.. I dont feel like I belong here, I mean, why can't my parents give birth to me 2 years AFTER my brother was born? that would mean I'm 21 that time, so I would have an easy life now rather than this... I feel like a douche, yes..

Parents never did give any moral support or any love, I dont feel anything! why? because they didn't even give a damn about anything I do or achieve! all they care about is put the blame on me, scold my ass off and other piece of shit! All they care about is my brother! YES, I LOVE MY BROTHER! He's my brother in arms and BFF. AND YES, I'M JEALOUS! I know I should be grateful for all the sacrifice they have given to build this family, BUT IT'S LIKE THIS SON NEVER EXIST AT ALL! THEY THINK OF ME AS A DOG! TELL ME WHY?! my brother gets all the good stuff, while I get the fucked up stuff?! ALL THE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO HIM AND NOT ME?! ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND UP THERE?!!!

Friends, sure.. some friends are good and all, but idk.. I really hate this feeling, I like them all, but the feeling, it's like they dont really like u, the atmosphere change directly to zzz.. I mean come on... if I can't talk surely u guys can say something, anything... *shish* I just feel abandoned, thats all...

okay, about that love pyramid, triangle thinggy? screw it, I just made it up, ahahahahaha!! but I found out, I really like a girl, she's pretty cute, I mean REALLY cute, lol~~ can't stop thinking about her...

IDK! I REALLY DK! it's like I need a guidance or sth... maybe a miracle... jesus, help me already...

2010-09-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

Been awhile since I update my blog.. I looked at my recent post and realize , "lol, I wrote alot of crap in this blog"

Lots of things happen... some sad, some happy, others idk.

16th September 2010, my cousin got married =D, finally that bastard gets it done *well its about bloody time he do that!* I'm really happy for him that he married a nice girl *short but.. yeah XP* I drank red wine, yeah... red wine, my parents owe me a big time for drinking that much on their behalf, anyway, we had a blast, food was good, everybody sang, and they were overjoyed =)

18th September 2010, when I was in my grandfather's *mother side* house, a call came through, I thought my dad was checking up on me, alas... terrible news, my grandfather passed away, I wasn't sad or down.. just stunned, cause I dont know him that much nor do I ever talked with him, well, cause I dont know how to talk their language... but for some people, it's a good thing that his suffering had ended, cause he had canser in his lung, he suffered long enough... God watch over him...

19th September 2010, had to go back to KK and then fly to KL, then get a bus from KL to Perak, damn tired zzz

20th September 2010, arrived at 1.25 a.m, damn tired, slept, next morning went to my grandfather's house and saw him lying in his coffin.. funny how when you look to a lifeless person, it's like, you're staring at a Mask of Death, but then, what I saw, is a smile. He had his last smile on his death bed... yeah... funeral time.. it really hurts my ars, knee and ankle, but... at least we can see him for the last time...

23rd September 2010, somehow, something change in me, I myself dont know what, but I can feel it.

24th September 2010, back to school... same drill as always... at night, Idk why my brother suddenly go to my mum room and started crying.. talking bout sth, idk what =/, well, better not ask...

Lol, yeah I know, its like I'm writing a diary, but what the hell =)

Even if times are hard, and that no one is there for you, I fight to thrive through this challenge. Hate me? anti me? ignore me? all those shit talks behind my back? I dont care, life is just cruel to everyone, and I will not fall, I will prevail, watch me.

left in the dark

2010-07-11T01:47:00.000+08:00

things just repeats itself again and again... seems like u cant always get a friend to be beside u all the time.. =/, sometimes.. its best to be alone, other times... u just wish that som1 is there for u... that u can hug him/her, and say "I love you, thank you... for being there when I need you" at any rate.. it seems i'm having this problem...

Friends... where's 1 when u need them, this morning was really fucked up... everything was planned well, until some of my classmates say busy, or personal problem... thats 1. and 2, it got canceled... I hate it when a plan doesn't comes together... decide to call my other *friends*... go with them onli... *busy, working, not at kk, too shy to go with me onli *what? WHAT? scared i'll eat u??* and etc etc... so final verdict? went to watch predator alone...

movie was fine.. good, but dull and.. i feel sad.. cause no1 accompany me... haiz... whole morning lonely... luckily just now went to eat sushi..... *SSSSSUUUUSSSSSHHHHHIIIIIIII and WWWWWWAAAAAAASSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBIIIIIIIII* that just cheered me up a little, oh how i feel like screaming on the hills now till my voice is all gone....

1 thing cruel in life? is that u dont have any company.. or friends to be there when u need them... haiz... always end up pissed and emo.. but yeah, at the end of the day... i just tend to forget it...

A thought just hits me... i wonder, if i die... will i be alone? will there be any1 there for me? would i even get married... haiz... i think too much future.. although i'm still very aware of the present now, but it would be silly, not to think of the future for once.

Signing out
Gary

why do i even bother~~

2010-06-30T22:58:00.000+08:00

oh god god god~~~, you can woop my ass all the way to kansas *or hell, like jacky said* but PLS!! give me a dam sign already!!!

1st of all, thank GOD! I can drive around kk without my parents in it -.-".
2nd, I passed my test... *I really hope my exam will be better*
3rd, brazil is in the last 8~~~~ *what, I know still early, but STILL!!*
4th, nice songs this few days... *what*
annddd 5th and the last of all... I think I'm getting the *job* done XD

yeap... last saturday went to 1b, wanted to watch movie alone, watch what? KNIGHT AND DAY~~, funny at 1st but yeah, the movie is fake *as always...* okay, where am I... oh, and then, a friend called me, idk why at 1st, I mean, I wanna watch alone, BUT yeah, end up watching with him.. after that, went to lunch, ask him about his life, exchange gossips, talks *boys talk~* and.. his problem, girl problem~~

okay, so this is how it goes, he told me that he's in love with a girl, but the girl is 4 years older than him *age doesnt matter* AND, she got a bf *it always happens...*, so yeah, where are we looking at now? a love triangle... *hmm* told me everything about it... and I gave him some advices *which also brings me back abit to the past, but its cool*

anyhow... I asked him some simple question.
1) Is she worth your time?
2) What is she to you?
3) Is she really the 1 for you?
4) You dont mind age differences?

Then, I gave him 1 question, "can you leave everything behind just for her?" what he said? "yes" but what is there to give up?

That is what I asked myself too, what is there to give up? you have nothing, nothing at all, being emo and down doesn't solve a goddamn problem. You think life is and could be easier? Well, then you're wrong, you're DAMN wrong, life is a challenge that GOD give us, a challenge to prove that we are strong in life, and that we can show our gratitude to him with this *sort of*

When I 1st heard some1 said "2 completely different person is a perfect couple?" I was like, "bullshit" now, I take that back...

okay... so that pentagon is reduced to square *god.. still...* idk... haha, its complicated.

Idk if you're reading this... but, all I want to say.. is thank you for the 2 years, you really changed me in those years... you meant alot to me, and now... that special feeling is gone... just wish we could stay as... friends, instead of total strangers... and I'm sorry, for everything... I know sorry isn't enough, but yeah...

Signing out,
Gary

Things just ... happens, i guess?

2010-06-16T16:56:00.000+08:00

Wow... I dont know what is wrong with me this morning.. well 1st of all, Alfred and Ng wen fung, they were annoying me *yes... for the past 1 month* and... idk, I just popped out out of no reason, *volcano blowed off, pufff!!* funny thing is, the class went silence for like... 10 sec? and then make noise again.. *Miss jossy somehow didnt heard my scream* yeah... was it the heat that makes the limit gone off? or is it something else... hmm...

but there's other things that keep bothering me... college, friends, and love *why this?* OKAY... college... lately didnt really study alot for ITN and microeconomics.. *how am I suppose to pass...* teachers was less *incorperate* and yeah, teaching method? sorry to say, it really looks like SHIT!

Friends? well... inbalance as I can see... somehow its like... "gaining lots of new friends, and losing a handful of friends... best friends.." haiz.. I dont really like this... maybe starting a new life also means, letting go of old friends... pfft.. "THE WAY OF LIFE" my ass...

love? *what* I FEEL LIKE KNOCKING MY FREAKIN HEAD OFF THE WALL!!! there's 4, 4!!!! I MEAN, WTF!! am I going nuts? zzz, or is god giving me a choice here... *shish* look at me, I sound like a PIMP! Haiz... God help me... why I sound nervous? well... umm.... i dont know myself...

Secondhand Serenade - Your Call
Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

living in the shadows...

2010-05-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

I realise now... I'm not a man of my word... I say things that I would do, but at the end, I didn't.. I'm confuse, I dont know why I wont keep my word, is it that hard? and then I got an answer "You dont keep your words because you're scared and overconfident, why you're scared? because you're afraid that you would lose your friends.. thats why you made that promise without thinking, why you're overconfident? Is because you want to prove to yourself that you can keep that promise, but at the end, you didn't, dont ever do that again, you idiot!" Now I admit... I'm the big bafun in this picture.. I'm a big fool...

I've been living in the shadows for the past months.. even when I said, I found a good life now, loving it... and all the happy things I could think of... I'm not myself, why? because if I become myself, I wouldn't let go of things.. I would still live in the past then, so I have to change myself... A different me. Yet that part of me still feel guilt... and ... I dont know... I just feel like I'm in the middle of ... everything, I guess you were right then... I am the root of all the problems that happen... sometimes... I just wish to God that I can turn back time again.. and change everything... what would happen.. I may not even exist in everybody's life... Heck, I feel pathetic..

Guess this maybe the last time I write my blog *I know I say it alot of time, but now, I'm really considering*

Goodbye old me...

Hello shadow of myself.

Gary.. aka bear "forever will be yours"

2010-05-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

Not much to write... as usual. Those of u who wonder why I put my recent post to draft and dont wanna post it.. well... I think it was too deep, so yeah, make it simple.

OKAY... so life itself now is good.. got my P license, new friends... new life.... good good... but still, feel like something's missing... what is it, ahhh yes, that little thing that would make a guy go gaga @_@, that little thing.... means alot to me...

How long has it passed now... looking back to the past, the day I was born, the day I 1st tasted nooodddlllleeeesssss XD, 1st day I went to kindergarden... primary school *that was an embarrassment, I dont wanna remember -.-* to secondary, 1st day I know what friendship is really like... and the 1st time I fall in love.. hmm... oh great, here we go again... JIWANG!!! thank you! Jacky and Yvonne *my long lost primary school friend* for calling me that @_@, and yeah, time flies again... very fast indeed =/, 3 weeks counting down to 4 weeks now... wow... what can u do??? its college so deal with it

Kris allen - Live like we're dying *this song is like an inspiration*
Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line, yeah

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..
http://www.elyricsworld.com/live_like_we're_dying_lyrics_kris_allen.html

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying..

Signing out...
Gary aka bear

letting it out

2010-04-29T21:11:00.002+08:00

Personal blog... personal blog... oh personal blog... LOL, I'm talking to myself again. well, nothing much again, but yeah... haiz, lately didn't talk with lots of people.... I mean like 1 on 1 talk. Hahaha... I'm being left out again *cheers*, back to the place where I came from, where I drown, with all my sorrows, and feel that the walls is closing in, sealing u inside the torment of loneliness, and at the end, no one would even notice, you exist. Yes, I admit, I'm useless, I'm a useless, stupid, ignorant, crybaby, fucked up, no good son of a bitch, idiotic bastard. I cant even tell her how I feel... I cant even open a goddam topic now! every time I see her online msn, I would like, pretend she's offline, busy and all... WHY??!!! WHY??!!!!! I FREAKING HATE MYSELF, how I wish I could change myself... everything about myself... I can't joke, my personality isn't good... I can't even make her smile... can't see her smile. her face... everything.... just catches my breath away... and here I am... runting everything... I know, I'm selfish too, I remember that, would I be like that... if not for I have really fallen in love.

To see another girl in my sight is meaningless... but to look at you, means thousands to me... I keep remembering that day... dreaming about it.... just cant... stop. I probably am embarrassing myself.... No, I am indeed, but ... no1 else read this.

2010-04-29T01:32:00.000+08:00

What it is to live

He walked through the door a tear in his eye
He lifted his sleeve and wiped it dry
He took a deep breath and stepped into the room
He closed his eyes he saw the gloom

She was there so very quiet and still
She seemed as though she was never ill
He slowly walked closer to her
The few weeks before became a blur

He reached out for her small white hand
Held it tight but could not understand
He took his ring placed it on her chain
Took his sleeve and wiped his eyes again

He slowly sat on the small white chair
Put out his hand and touched her hair
So perfect and blonde so long and neat
Without you I am incomplete

He whispered, I love you in her ear
Although you're gone you're always here
And at that moment his hand moved from her hair
To his heart you're always there

He slowly stood up and again took her hand
Things were clear he could now understand
Even if she wasn't there with him
Inside his heart could never be dim

He placed her hand down by her side
Her imprint she left so deep inside
For the last time he softly kissed her
Still her body did not stir

He turned to walk toward the door
Then turned back to look once more
Her new small ring shone in the light
He closed the door she had lost her fight

And as surely as he said that day
In his heart she will always stay

You are more than just a friend

I Told You This Once,
Yes I'll Tell You Again.
You Mean The World To Me,
You're More Than A Friend.

No Matter What Happens,
I'll Always Be There.
Through Thick And Thin,
I'll Always Care.

I Try To Put In Words,
The Way You Make Me Feel Inside.
I'm Sorry I Can't Help The Way,
My Feelings Sometimes Hide.

My Feelings Haven't Changed,
At All From The Start.
I Love You More Then Anything,
With All Of My Heart.

I'll make you a promise,
If your promise me too.
That we'll be together forever,
And our love will stay true.

My love for you is ever lasting,
Never will it end.
Hopefully by now you've realized,
You're more than just a friend.

GOD HELP ME, I'm really crazy in poems zzz

on what occasion, should I be in, and what would I choose now. to be or not to be with... to choose... or not to choose... really confused, damn. okay, I make it short, since I'm having a head injury due to.... *dont laugh* I fall down in my toilet, head 1st on the cement. OKAY, I'm off

Signing out
Gary aka teddy bear

Poemetic

2010-04-26T21:31:00.000+08:00

Loneliness

Smile my heart smile.
You will see loneliness
Nowhere.

***

Do not blame Heaven
And do not blame earth
For your loneliness.
You are travelling the ways of loneliness
Because your mind has not tried to conquer
The darkness of frustration-frown.

***

A doubting mind
Is forced to live
In the prison of loneliness.

***

When our self-offering
Comes to the fore,
Loneliness
Is bound to disappear.

***

My world-oneness-heart
Is a perfect stranger
To loneliness.

***
another poem.

My Heart Aches

My heart aches when I talk to you
My heart aches when I don’t hear from you
My heart aches when I long for you

I don’t know why
You’ve taken over my thoughts
I can’t explain

You’re still a stranger
Far away
I want you close by

I miss your embrace
Holding you close
My heart aches

I miss you!

Poems poems poems.... Idk why I'm beginning to love poems, maybe its just to fill up the time that I have, to save me from utter boringness. HAHA!! look at me, poetic, yeah rrriiiggghhhttttt. And yeah, I just write all these from the bottom of my heart, wow, jiwang guy *emo guy*. thats what Jacky said to me, *JIWANG*! Funny, yesterday Peterich ask me to help him on dating tip. *wtf? I never dated, I never had a GF, why he ask me?* well, I end up giving him some advice... *although I'm really bad with it, but yeah.* tell him what to and not to do, all those basics dating tips, simple, but effective, yeah... all those talks with him reminds me of the past, the mistakes I made, and the actions I would do, but have no guts to do it... HAIX... well no point on regretting the past now... I still do, but ... yeah, ANOTHER POEM!!!

I miss you because...

I miss you because once you were here in my life, and now you're not.

I miss you because I know that I'm going to be okay without you, even if I forgot.

I miss you when something good happens to me, because I can no longer share it with you.

I miss you because you were the biggest part of my life, that much I know is true.

You were my angel, always protecting me from those who could do me wrong.

Since you, my friend, are no longer here how am I supposed to go on?

Signing out,
Gary aka teddy bear * will always be ... yours *

2010-04-20T16:46:00.000+08:00

I do not love you except because I love you

I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Maybe, definitely...

2010-04-20T13:15:00.000+08:00

Well, now its lunch time.. and I'm enjoying my cup of noodle... although I dont really like it that much, what to write 2day... ahh yes...

Sth is really wrong inside me... Idk what the hell is it, but I somehow can feel it... bad omen ahead... They say when your legs hurt, that would be a bad sign *old man stories*, but yeah... idk... yesterday I couldn't sleep, my leg hurt so badly its like... some1 slicing and pulling your legs off slowly... torturing u.. I cant give the real picture... urgh.. idk how long did I scream that night, awake on my bed, begging to God, "Pls... release me from my pain... just kill me already!!" after awhile... point blank, everything gone dark... I thought that I'm gone from this world... walls begin to close in on me, total darkness takes over, and silence is the only thing that u will hear. But yet.. here I am still alive. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but if u were in my shoes, u would think twice about it.

nothing much to write right? ... well a song then

Kelly Clarkson - My life would suck without you

Guess this means you’re sorry
You’re standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
What you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you’d never come back
But here you are again
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues
But you’re pretty messed up too
Anyway, I found out I’m nothing without you
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn’t miss you, but I can’t let go
Oh yeah
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

Signing out,
Gary aka teddy bear

Office time

2010-04-16T19:09:00.000+08:00

Wow, office hour is really a drag sometimes, and yeah, it maybe hard, but sometimes, I just got nth to do in the office zzz.

Tuesday was boys day out *instead of boys night out*, went out with Adrian, Ferik and Tay. It all went well, and yeah, I'm good with ferik alreadi, I have no issues with him, but I also dk why I ignored my best friend from the beginning... yeah. The best news I heard so far... Adrian and Ferik are back together as friends, haha! to some it may not mean something, but best friends together again? thats something good. Here's the funny part, when they all went to my house *NO GAY BUSINESS, SO PLS, dont even think about it* we ate, talk, and they took bath, after that we went to 1b enjoy lo, when I come back, Ferik called me and stated he left his clothes in my brother's bathroom??!! WTF!! clothes with underwear again that?! if girl, nvm la... *sei ham sap lou le me zzz* XD if guys, omg thats so wrong zzz...

Omg, what is wrong with me, am I doing the right thing... or the wrong thing, idk, idk what I'm doing... I feel really confused at some stuffs... its like the walls are closing on me again, stuffing me in with nothing in it... I've been very lonely from the day I was born, to the day of Form 3. lonely for 15 years... wow, *wat I mean by lonely is the emptiness inside of me* well, now its a little different, but still... haiz..

Signing off,
Gary

LOL

2010-04-09T11:24:00.000+08:00

Don't really have much to write... cause it's totally, freaking, boring these days -.-".

Anyway... I made all the training on my driving lesson alreadi, now awaiting for qtp test *or so its spell like this.* Then, I can go for JPJ test lu. If I pass, have to wait for 1 month, then get the P license -.-" dam.... close to May already, suprising how time flies without knowing it, and here I thought school life is crap, life in the office and home, its just dam boring. Haiz... I'm losing friends, just like Jacky said... "friends come and go", okay, everyone knows that -.-" slowly, they'll just, flow away, like the wind, flowing around u always, but it will be gone, and even u feel the wind blowing towards u again, its not the same.

Just when I came back from sandakan, I feel that things have changed, not the structure or surroundings... but that feeling, the flow, it's gone. Empty. I just can't explain how I feel... Urgh, how useless am I... Everytime I wake up, my chest feels heavy. If life was so simple... I would do anything, but you and I know that life is not simple at all, unless, we work hard for it. Yeah, and, when my cousins, nephew, niece, aunty, uncle, all of them la, ask me *You got gf or not? dont lie to me ah, I know u have 1 de* I give them 1 simple answer, *wait till 20 years 1st, then I tell u*. which... I plan to be single, haha, I actually never dated, never had a gf, but I felt 1st love and now. It's gone. Hmm.. my options are still open, but... see la, go with the flow, Maybe I'll stay single for life lu~ haha

Peace out and Signing off.
Gary

2010-03-12T19:08:00.000+08:00

Chris daughtry - Call your name

You never said, you never said, you never said
That it would be this hard
Love was meant to be forever, now or never
Seems too discard
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars
So can you remain
When I call your name

And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart
Your walls can only go down
But solo can you hear me
When I call your name

When I call your name

Caught again and situations are the makings of
All that's wrong
And I've been standin' in the river of deliverin'
Just way too long
There's gotta be a better way for me to say
What's on my heart without leaving scars
So can you hear me
When I call your name
So can you hear me
When I call your name

And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart
Your walls can only go down
But solo can you hear me
When I call your name

You never said, you never said, you never said, you never said
When I call your name
You never said, you never said, you never said, you never said
When I call your name

Yeah

And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart
Your walls can only go down
But solo can you hear me
When I call your name

And when you fall apart
Am I the reason for your endless sorrow
There's so much to be said
And with a broken heart
Your walls can only go down
But solo can you hear me
When I call your name

Oh, how badly I feel like screaming on the top of the mountain till my last breath and lung dying....

Last night drink the bottle of vodka till I passed out already... funny thing is that the next morning, my mum saw me half naked on the floor near my computer -.-".... the horror of getting drunk.... at 1st it was like burning from the inside, throat burning, feeling of getting high, and... suprisingly after u get used to it, it taste like vanilla =3 so good.... idk why I drink so much last night... is it because the feeling of guilt, or the damnation of getting left out... I'm not suprised at all... well, they would say "we care for u"... I dont even know is that the truth or not... but my heart keeps telling me *no one cares for u, no one even know u exist, in fact, they dont even wan u to be born* I guess it's right...

Heartless souls keep dwelling in my ears gushing out words of betrayal, lies, deceive... and that it is best I had never exist... yeah... if I never had exist... wouldn't things go even better? I've been toyed by my past. yet I hold on, when no1 is there to care for me, I stand firm and stay positive... and when my heart had been broken badly, that was my last resort, I had broke down, yet I rise up again believing that I can fight on.... but now... Idk, I feel lost inside now....

Signing out...
Gary

2010-02-25T15:32:00.002+08:00

4tune - Last Goodbye

I can't explain, what i feel inside
No sun, just rain i loved you all my Life
All i want is just to hold you close to me
and feel your touch oh i miss you so much.

I never got to say the words:"I Love You"
I never got to show how much i care,
would you tell me why - you're not by my side?
As i break down and cry,
Cuz i didn't get my Last Goodbye.

I'm all alone i've got no Way to turn,
Have you ever lost somebody
Have you ever felt the pain i feel in my heart,
tearing me apart.
And i don't know a thousand miles in the past,
and it won't be the last so why
you take this Love away?

I never got to say the words:"I Love You"
I never got to show how much i care,
would you tell me why - you're not by my side?
As i break down and cry,
Cuz i didn't get my Last Goodbye.

I can't live without you in my Life,
Don't wanna be a Part of Hook,
i just can't cook with sacrifice,
Cuz every night i close my eyes,
i dream about you in my Life.
It hurts me Baby cuz i didn't get my Last Goodbye.

nice song..

2010-02-24T18:21:00.000+08:00

4tune- Miss you *this song is nice ...*
Miss you
When I close my eyes,
That's when you're near...
I kiss you,
But I know that I'm dreamin'
Girl, it's unfair
And I can't help but cry every night,
When I'm weak & you're not by my side

Girl I just wanna hold you, in my arms
Think of you each day now we're apart
And I just want things back the way they were
Find a way back to your heart

Without you,
I don't feel the same
Since you went away...
I need you
And I just want you back,
Here with me
And I can't help but cry every night,
When I'm weak & you're not by my side

And I just wanna hold you, in my arms
Think of you each day now we're apart
And I just want things back the way they were
Find a way back to your heart.

And I just wanna hold you in my arms
Think of you each day now we're apart
And I just want things back the way they were
Find a way back to your heart...

I miss you...

Well, I enjoyed my nz trip... it was worth it, but haven't had the chance to try bungee jump, cause lots of people, duh. It was cool and a nice place to stay... especially queensland, I plan to retire there next time *haven't get a job alreadi think of retiring* XD... well, Idk wat happen in 1 week time, ask them, they dont know~~ forgot -.-.. and yeah, my relationship with ferik *AS A FRIEND, NOT GAY GAY STUFF* is ruined,I think, how am I suppose to fix it? idk, no idea.... dam.. when I saw that mountain at NZ, I remember some part from the past... and start screaming like hell, people also think I've gone crazy, but it's cool... chill..... moments l8r I look at a girl, looks like some1 I know la.. *_* but, nop, that girl leng lui la, too bad she's older than me, DAYEM LOL *stupid, what am I thinking* anyway... I wont get any girls than.... , I made a promise on myself.... just..... arrgghh, you know la zzz

Signing off,
Gary aka teddy bear

2010-02-12T14:55:00.000+08:00

Creed - 6 feet from the edge
Please come love
I think I'm falling
Holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I've found the road to no where
And i'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say...

CHORUS
Hold me now
I'm 6 feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down

I'm lookin down
Now that its over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out
Heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
Let me say..

(CHORUS)

Hold me now
I'm 6 feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down
(repeat)

I'm so far down
Sad eyes follow me
Well I still believe there's something there for me
So please come stay with me
Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me...
you an me...you and me

Hold me now
I'm 6 feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin

Hold me now
I'm 6 feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down....
(repeat)

Please come now
I think I'm falling
Holding on to all I think is safe...

well... blog again, hehe.. not much to write here.. always working... yesterday was a day off lol, ^^, hang out with nasrul awhile, went to eat chicken rice, cut hair, and the go to my house lo *now those of u who's thinking other things, DONT*. well, I want that Torclight *a game* so I ask him to give it to me lo~~ actualy he got a date with L, so need my lil help lo~~ and then when my parents came down... they thought I bring back a girl?! WTF?! yeap, my mum thought it was u... sooo... XD hehe.. I look at their eyes, they're like stunned seeing a malay boy in the house~~ XD

thats about it... will fill in more when I get back from New Zealand..
HERE I COME!!! XD

Signing off,
Gary aka teddy bear

(P.S, no matter where I or u go, I'll always be thinking of u)

2010-02-06T13:01:00.000+08:00

Backstreet boys - I promise you

It's in the silences,
the words you never say
I see it in your eyes,
it always starts the same way
It seems like everyone we know,
is breaking up
Does anybody ever stay in love, anymore?

I promise you,
from the bottom of my heart
I will love you till death do us part
I promise you as a lover and a friend
I will love you like I never love again
With everything I am

ooh I see you look at me,
when you think I'm not aware
You're searching for clues,
of just how deep my feelings are.
How do you prove the sky is blue, the oceans wide?
All I know is how I feel,
when I look into your eyes

I promise you,
from the bottom of my heart
I will love you till death do us part
I promise you as a lover and a friend
I will love you like I never love again
With everything that I am ooh yeah

Oh there are no guarantees
That's what you always say to me
But late at night I feel the tremble in your touch
Oh what I'm trying to say to you,
I never said to anyone I Promise

I promise you,
from the bottom of my heart
I will love you till death do us part
(I do my darling I promise you)
I promise you as a lover and a friend
I will love you like I never love again

With everything I am I promise you,
from the bottom of my heart
I will love you till death do us part
( I love you I love you I love you I love you)
I promise you as a lover and a friend
I will love you like I never love again
With everything I am

You're everything I am oh yeah
With everything I am

Forget it

2010-01-27T21:19:00.000+08:00

Well... 2 of my friends just quit blogging... 1 say she doesn't want to write about her personal life anymore... and the other 1 says change to tumblr... Idk why am I still writing this here... but its the only place I can let it all out... seems like everything is still the same... but over the past weeks, lots of thinking... I think I dont wanna care about it anymore, I just keep the flow going.... driving inovations... keep running, running, and running all the way till I die. It just sucks to keep 1 thing to your head like forever...

The Rasmus - In the shadow

No sleep
No sleep until I'm done with finding the answer
Won't stop
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel like going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows

They say
That I must learn to kill before I can feel safe
But I
I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
Cause somehow I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching, waiting for something
Feel me, touch me, heal me, come take me higher

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
I've been watching
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows

In the shadows

I've been waiting

THIS SONG SAYS IT ALL, PEACE!
Gary aka teddy bear

2010-01-25T20:20:00.000+08:00

BSB - What makes you different

You don't run with the crowd
You go your own way
You don't play after dark
You light up my day
Got your own kind of style
That sets you apart
Baby, that's why you captured my heart

I know sometimes you feel like you don't fit in
And this world doesn't know what you have within
When I look at you, I see something rare
A rose that can grow anywhere (grow anywhere)
And there's no one I know that can compare

What makes you different, (alright) makes you beautiful (alright)
What's there inside you, (alright) shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

Hey, yeah yeah yeah
You got something so real
You touched me so deep (touched me so deep)
You see material things
Don't matter to me
So come as you are
You've got nothing to prove
You've won me with all that you do
And I wanna take this chance to say to you

What makes you different, (alright, yeah yeah) makes you beautiful (alright)
What's there inside you, (alright) shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful

You don't know (you don't know) how you touched my life (touched my life)
Oh in so many ways (so many ways) I just can't describe
You taught me what love is supposed to be
It's all the little things that make you beautiful to me (so beautiful)
Oh yeah, yeah

What makes you,
What makes you different, (what makes) makes you beautiful (to me)
What's there inside you, (there shines) shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

Everything you do is beautiful (so beautiful)
Love you give shines right through me (shines right through to me)
Everything you do is beautiful (ooh, ooh ooh ooh oh)
Oh, you're beautiful to me (to me)...

This song says it...(just posting a lyrics, I know, I'm being lifeless)

Signing off,
Gary aka teddy bear, XD

Weird dreams...

2010-01-23T21:51:00.001+08:00

Chris Daughtry - Life after you

Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know

Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind
I must've been high to say you and I
Weren't meant to be and just wastin' my time

Oh, why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here without you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one
After this time I spent alone
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind
Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind
So I'm runnin' back to tell you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do, yeah

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' 'bout all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through, yeah
Know there's no life after you

Know there's no life after you
Know there's no life after you
Know there's no life after you
Know there's no life after you
Know there's no life after you
Know there's no life after you
Know there's no life after you, yeah

Damn... same dream occurs to me last night... I dont even dare to sleep tonight.... wat dream? the same dream, of course, but there's 2 more I dreamt of ... 1 is I was on a wedding, Idk whose wedding, image was so blur... and everything I hear was sonic wave... I was on some kind of church *the cross sign was clear* ... then skipped the other part... I saw 6 bodies on the ground... blood on my hand, carrying a knife and a gun... I dont know who are those lying on the ground... then I see my own hand move, pointing the gun to my head, I tried to stop it and ... that made me woke up T.T.... wtf.... what kind of dream is that idk...

Signing off
Gary aka teddy bear *still*

2010-01-22T19:51:00.000+08:00

Linkin Park - Given up

Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace

Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy

[chorus]
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
[end chorus]

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared

I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy

[chorus]
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
[end chorus]

[bridge]
Goddddddd!!!!

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery
[end bridge]

[chorus]
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
[end chorus]

this song made me cool down abit, WHEW... lol, I guess too much pressure on work... fillin delivery orders... making cash bills, carrying box, so on, so on, dont really know what to write... hmmm....

Here's yak, and it miss u XD

Signing off,
Gary

Endless pain

2010-01-15T17:52:00.000+08:00

BSB - Helpless when she smiles..

She keeps the secrets in her eyes
She wraps the truth inside her lies
And just when I can't take what she's done to me
She comes to me
And leads me back to paradise

She's so hard to hold
But I can't let go

I'm a house of cards in a hurricane
A reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel
She dances away just like a child
She drives me crazy, drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles (oh when she smiles.. she smiles..)

Maybe I'd fight it if I could (Maybe I'd fight it if I could)
It hurts so bad, but feels so good
She opens up just like a rose to me
When she's close to me
Anything she asked me to, I would

It's out of control
But I can't let go

I'm a house of cards in a hurricane
A reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel
She dances away just like a child
She drives me crazy, drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles (oh no.. when she smiles..)

When she looks at me (When she looks at me)
I get so weak

I'm a house of cards in a hurricane
A reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel
She dances away just like a child
She drives me crazy, drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles (oh when she smiles... when she smiles.. she smiles.....)

I dont know what to do anymore.. It really pains me, everytime I went to bed, I dont feel calm or comfy... its like sleeping on a bed full of spikes... I'm getting awry and crazy everytime now... can't think straight... fight with parents for no reason and all.. idk... I feel weak.. I wish I could have just gone to my eternal slumber that day.... why didn't I do it? ... why... god... I dont know... it kills me inside... i want it to end... how...

2010-01-15T17:43:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I write this blog... lolz, reason? lazy and tired because I work from morning, who doesn't get tired from that -.-... technicilly I got nothing to write, let's see... 14th february go nz travel... 26th feb go for paintball... and maybe mid march to climb mount kinabalu *DAYEM* those 2 plans are not mine, their jacky's~~~ .... god, I feel so lifeless now .... I miss school, miss everything except the teachers and the studies... no, no, NO, I dont miss pengetua except I miss critising his bird nest *his head* XD. well wth, I may as well go kl by mid year... or stay here, I'm still considering... its not that I dont want to go kl to continue my studies... just, sth is holding me back.... Idk what it is.... and it seems like I haven't found the answer I've been looking for... but I'll try to find it again...

Jet - Shine on
Please don't cry
You know I'm leaving here tonight
Before I go I want you to know that there will always be a light

And if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

So many times I'd planned
To be much more than who I am
And if I let you down I will follow you 'round until you understand

That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone

So please don't cry
Although I leave you here this night
Where ever I may go how far I don't know
But I will always be your light

That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone
When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone

Signing off,
Gary

2010-01-12T19:04:00.000+08:00

Jesse Mccartney - Just so you know
I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

[Chorus]

2010-01-09T10:25:00.000+08:00

Michael learns to rock - Complicated heart
Don't know what to say now
don't know where to start
I don't know how to handle
a complicated heart
You tell me you are leaving
but I just have to say
before you throw it all away

Chorus:
Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you're coming home
And if you need someone to ease the pain
you can lean on me, my love will still remain

Don't know what you're thinking
to me it seems quite tough
to hold a conversation
when words are not enough
so this is your decision
and there's nothing I can do
I can only say to you

Chorus~

if this is your decision
and theres nothing i can do
i can only say to you

Chorus~

even if you want to go alone
i will still love you when tomorrow comes
Chorus:-

can't believe it.... why?!

Not a perfect person

2010-01-06T12:56:00.000+08:00

Hoobastank - The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Few days work here alreadi... yeah.. I would say it, *MY JOB SUCKS LOL*

2010-01-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

MLTR - 25 minutes
After some time I've finally made up my mind
she is the girl and I really want to make her mine
I'm searching everywhere to find her again
to tell her I love her
and I'm sorry 'bout the things I've done

I find her standing in front of the church
the only place in town where I didn't search
She looks so happy in her weddingdress
but she's crying while she's saying this

Chorus: Boy I've missed your kisses all the time but this is
twentyfive minutes too late
Though you travelled so far boy I'm sorry your are
twentyfive minutes too late

Against the wind I'm going home again
wishing me back to the time when we were more than friends

But still I see her in front of the church
the only place in town where I didn't search
She looked so happy in her weddingdress
but she cryed while she was saying this

Chorus:
Boy I've missed your kisses all the time but this is
twentyfive minutes too late
Though you travelled so far boy I'm sorry your are
twentyfive minutes too late

Out in the streets
places where hungry hearts have nothing to eat
inside my head
still I can hear the words she said

Chorus:
Boy I've missed your kisses all the time but this is
twentyfive minutes too late
Though you travelled so far boy I'm sorry your are
twentyfive minutes too late

I can still hear her say.......

2009-12-31T08:08:00.000+08:00

well... I got wat i wanted... a new phone.. technicily it wasnt wat I want -.-, now now, dont be choosy, this Sony Ericsson Aino, also not bad...

this is for those of u who dont know how it looks like =D

anyway... just got back from kl, well 1st day whole day sit on airplane and bus just to go to perak (KAMPUNG!) ... then sleep ZZZZ 2nd day was like.... where the fuck are we going? ... arrgghh forget it, I dont wan talk about the boring stuffs and WAT happen in kl!

I can say, that the blame was never on you, I was the stubborn 1 who always think I might have a chance with u.. when that night u and him explained.. u were crying while talking on the phone... idk anymore.. but after I hang up, I was thinking all the things that we done.... all the past came back to my mind.. but I wasnt sad, I somehow knew... deep inside, u would say that... urrghh, 4 hours sleep yesterday -.-, thanks to my parents snore and NOT letting me have my own room zzz, fuck.

Oh well... after 2day, its a fresh start... new beginning and work starts.... I know my SPM will be bad, how I know? I made it bad. AMEN.

Signing out,
Gary

holy !@#$

2009-12-20T20:43:00.000+08:00

Don Mclean/ Josh Groban - Starry starry night (both of them sing this)
Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...

love this song ~~ XD, this afternoon went to secret recipe ... celebrate with the prince and the princess (arthur and audrey, and they're not together, thank you.) and went to kbox (fuck.... rm164.8... T.T) yeah, sing lots of song.... enjoyed ourself and fun.... there's 1, no 2 songs that almost made me cry.... makes me think of the past again... but since its their birthday, let joy take over my tears of sorrowness....

and I dont know... seriously, I dont know... god, makes me think of how times past.... I really fucking regret of some stuffs (like not studyin account properly... etc, etc ) watever....

Signing off,
Gary

easier said than done...

2009-12-17T11:03:00.000+08:00

Mario Winans - I dont wanna know

Mario Winans)
I just can't believe this, man.
Just another night of these thoughts.
Can't get this outta my head, yeah.

Somebody said they saw you.
The person you were kissing wasn't me.
And I will never ask you.
I just kept it to myself.

(Chorus)
I don't wanna know
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'cause my heart can't take it anymore.
and if you're creepin please don't let it show.
Oh baby, I don't want to know.
(0hhhh, baby.)

I think about it when I hold you.
When lookin' in your eyes - I can't believe.
I don't need to know the truth.
Baby, keep it to yourself.

(Chorus)
I don't wanna know.
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.
and if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.
Oh baby, I don't want to know.

Did he touch you better than me? (Touch you better than me?)
Did he watch you fall asleep? (Watch you fall asleep, baby?)
Did he show you all those things? (0hhhh)
and the things you do to me (do to me, baby)
If you're better off that way,(Better off that way)
then it's more than I can say. (More than I can say)
If you want to do your thing,(Oh!)
Girl, then stay away from me.(Stay away from me, baby)

(P-Diddy)
I know when your where-abouts or how you movin'.
I know when you're in the house or when you crusin'.(uh-huh)
It's been proven - My love you abusin'.
I can't understand how a man got you choosin'.
Undecided, I came and provided my,
Undivided, you came and denied it.(Why)
Don't even try it I know when you lyin'. (Don't even)
Don't even do that I know why you cryin'.
I'm not applyin no pressure,
I just want to let you know,
That I don't want to let you go.(I don't want to let you go)
And I don't want to let you leave.
Can't say I didn't let you breath.
Gave you extra cheese. (come on)
put you in a SUV.
You wanted ice - so I made you freeze.
Made you hot like the West Indies.(That's right)
Now it's time you invest in me.
'Cause if not - then it's best you leave. (Holla, yeah)

(Mario Winans)
I don't wanna know.
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.
And if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.
Oh baby, I don't want to know.
If you're playing me - Keep it on the low.
'Cause my heart can't take it anymore.
And if you're creepin', please, don't let it show.
(0hhhh baby)
I don't wanna know.

urgghh.... the pain on my chest start to come up again.... I dont know how long could I last... took some pills... but then, it just ease the pain... it wont remove the ever eternal pain inside of me...

one of my friend challenge me to get thin and have abs in 6 months (thin can... abs? like audrey said, 4 boleh la XD) hehehe.... well I havent know how to plan audrey's birthday.... *need backup*!!!

yeap... its either wednesday or thursday I go KL ... celebrate christmas with my grandparents... (father side) not too close to them.... and then ... going to do LOTS and LOTS of stuff @.@, buy my new handphone, clothes, christmas presents or souveniers for the gangs, watch avatar in 3d ~.~, and etc....

but... all this just for fun, still missing 1 more... haiz... never mind about that... like audrey said last night *Your future is in your hands* (malas write the rest) lolz sms with her till 2.24 a.m pula -.- wake up at 7.54... YAWN, still sleepy...zzzzz

ADIOS AMIGOS,
Gary

dying.....

2009-12-16T15:24:00.000+08:00

I'M BORED TO DEATH!!!!

BEAT IT!! GARRR!!! I'M NOT GONNA LET ANY1 MESS WITH MY LIFE ANYMORE!! SICK OF IT! yeah... and I finnaly realised... it wasnt love, it was lust that took control of me... MAN, I'm such a loser... dont wan talk about it.... I'm gonna get my driving license soon!!! weeeeee!!!! drive everywhere, pick them up, have fun ~~~ den drink till we get drunk!! * who's gonna drive us home? * HAHAHAHAHA, I'm just excited cause my com is back from repair XXDD WWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! HIGH!!!!!!!

Survivor - Eye of the tiger
Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive
So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

[Chorus:]
It's the eye of the tiger, it's
the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor
stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds, still we take to the street
For the kill with the skill to survive

[Chorus]

Risin' up, straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

[Chorus]

The eye of the tiger
[Repeats to fade out]

AFTER HEARING THIS SONG!!! I KNOW I CANNOT GIVE UP IN MY LIFE!! NO WAY IN HELL I WILL DO THAT!!! GAH!!! THANKS AUDREY FOR LAST NIGHT SMS XD

Some1 tell me why?

2009-12-07T16:50:00.000+08:00

Do all this shit happen for a reason? or just because you've made a wrong choice .... I feel like all this happen because of a stupid reason... I dont know... I dont give a damn about it now... I dont even know whether I want to go KL, study at Taylor's college... or Sunway... or stay here... study lo, wat else.... *shish* right now I'm really dont know anything.... can any1 who read this blog tell me something meaningful? .... *shish* seriously...

Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

hmmmm.... hard choice

2009-12-06T09:09:00.003+08:00

Finnaly I can change my phone again when I go to KL at chirstmas time~~ YAY but then there's a catch (why is there always *a catch*? beats me) my dad said "if u wan a new phone and driving lisence, you have to work at the office till u go college." Of course I can do that ... I think? XD anyways I checked the web and 2 phones caught my attention

Sony Ericsson Satio or Nokia X6? need to decide.... HMMMMM

but I like both.... can I have both? (since I had 2 handphones on my disposal XD

Dont l8r he give me this answer...

YOU CAN JUST SUCK MA BALLS!!!!

OMFG,WTF LA, if he give me that answer , no hope T.T

Ciao Y'all
Gary

Dreams, shits and giggles

2009-12-05T13:49:00.001+08:00

James Blunt - You're beautiful...
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,(Real version)
Flying high,(clean version)
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

yeah... this songs says it ... man.... I've been drinking again.... since I have no more vow... what can I do? just drink and die slowly better.... Haiz.... I thought life would be that simple, in fact... it's so fucking hard.... that moment make me realise ... life isnt easy, you have to suffer the pain... then rise up and do the right thing, I dont know if it true or not.

If God gave me a chance ... I would wish for time itself to rewind.... back to where I 1st saw her... then I would know what would happen and not make the same mistake twice... but, people, y'all know I'm talking bullshit here... (no1 read my blog... I'm just writing it to clear my thoughts)... these few nights I dreamt about sth ... the past and the future... the past... well I dont wanna talk about it, but the future was full of white faces? (non-clear images) I dreamt that there was a reunion party, I was wearing a black, slick suit~~ and I was thin and hot (WTF) XD just ... have the perfect body la... man, if that really happen in the future, I would be glad... but then, the girl next to me... was holding my hand, I looked at her but all I see is a white, unclear face... and then the next thing i realise I woke up and scream WWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYY???!!!!!

Well it's a glimpse of the future... I hope its true.... lol, seriously... They found their prince charming/ princess beauty... and I havent yet, wtf WHY AM I THINKING OF THIS??!!! ARRGGGHHH ENOUGH!

Ciao y'all (if any1 is reading this...)
Gary

2009-12-01T18:32:00.000+08:00

I dont know whether I'm DEAD OR NOT!!!!! ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! MY ACCOUNT!!! T.T. I'm so pissed..... God dammit... 3 more subjects, 8 more days to freedom, 30 days to the end of the year, and a whole 365 days to look forward to, after that~~~ hey, it rhyms XD

In case u dont get it, the landlord is the baby girl XD

Jason Mraz ft Colbie Caillat - Lucky
Do you hear me?
Talking to you
Across the water
Across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky
Oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets harder

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ohhhohhhohhhohhohhohhhohh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you, I promise you I will

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty, you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ohhhohhhohhhohhohhohhhohh
Ohhhohhhohhhohhohhohhhohhohhohhohh

wth.... just posting~~~

Signing off,
Gary

2009-11-29T23:21:00.000+08:00

Things keep repeating itself again. I dont know why, but somehow nothing can make me happy now... since long I have lost my innerself... I started being emo then.... well all my life, I've been going through lies and other goddamn stuffs... (hell if u guys dont wan to read it dont read, it's my blog and I'd write whatever hell do I wan to). Even when you guys saw me have a good time and laugh all I wanted... I'd just give a fake smile and laugh... there's nothing that can make me have the real smile back... for the real me is dead inside a long time ago... its like a shell carrying me around lifeless.... I'd better just let this sickness of mine kill me instead... slowly beating to its own death.... Those of u who know that only thing that can make me feel happy and alive back.... I dont need to say a thing now.. I know I have to study for account... but.... bah, no1 cares a goddam thing I said anyhow... whatever.

Signing off,
Gary

soooooo free ah?

2009-11-27T20:10:00.000+08:00

Me neither~~ I dont know why am I that free to post my blogs when it's SPM day... should be studying account.... but dont have the mood, yeap, just now went to watch Twilight: New Moon, not bad, not like most of those vampire love stories... among all those this one, I'd give 2 thumbs up (If I had 10 I would XD). when the part Jacob wanna kiss Bella (which he didnt get it, poor bastard, I dont feel sorry for him XD) those girls seating bottom... suddenly scream *KISS ME!!!!* wtf la, go back to america, find that Taylor Lautner guy and kiss him la *shish* whatever... Oh, I went with Audrey and Arthur (since Jacky cant come, had to call him~~) hmm.. A and A .... LOL JUST REALISED THAT~~~~ damn reservation ... have to take the ticket 45 minutes earlier from the time of the show... gawd~~ Audrey blame me for not goin to take the tickets earlier~~ and start to get pissed off and say wanna go home~~ luckily we managed to get the tickets but have to sit seperatly..... saw Scott and his sis.... and before you know it, when the show start, Audrey message me "Oh my god, TSL is sitting right in front of me now." turned and saw her with another guy.... (lovebirds~~) the place is packed with lots of people la... mostly ALL is couple... (why cant I have it right now... HAIZ) but then.... damn missed my chance to get to know her... GAWD, nope I'm not blaming u Audrey XD... HAHA

Glen Medeiros - Nothing's gonna change my love for you

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

CHORUS:
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead a way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

CHORUS

Thats all I can say now

Peace out Y'all
Gary

6 down ... 4 more to the doors of freedom

2009-11-26T12:59:00.000+08:00

GOOD NEWS FOR ME AND MY FRIENDS~~~~~ 6 subjects down and 4 more~~~ (3 for u guys =.=, damn u guys.... ) then after this... its goodbye school ( I'll miss it ) and hello new world~~~ haha, I havent decide where to continue my studies (maybe) but then... see my results 1st~~~ THANK YOU GOD (I hope) I THINK I GOT 30 FREE 30 MARKS ON ADD MATHS PAPER 2!!! XD, weeeeeeeeee. Bah, enough of this, if later backfire, I malu.

Avenged Sevenfold - Dear God

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
and all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
when hope begins to fade...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

For those of u who understand the meaning of this song.... It speaks through here~~

AMEN! XD

Ciao y'all
Gary

Stand as a broken man

2009-11-24T16:51:00.000+08:00

Boys Like Girls - Broken Man
I want to scream, until no sound comes out and you've learned your lesson
I want to swallow these pills to get to sleep
So I don't have to make a bad impression

I need to start to be myself
Cause I'm sick of everybody else

I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man

I wanna run, but only far enough to make you miss me
I wanna take back all the shit that I have done
But I guess you were better off without me

I need to start to be myself
Cause I'm sick of everybody else

I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now, I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man

I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate

I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate

I took one big step and I looked away
And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say
I'm always too late
You never got your story straight
I'm always up late
I think I'm everything you hate

I won't let you bring me down
It's here and now, I'm breaking out
I will learn to love again
But I will stand a broken man

(I took one big step and I looked away, and I thought of all the things that I wanted to say)
I won't let you bring me down
(I'm always too late, you never got your story straight, I'm always up late, I think I'm everything you hate)
It's here and now I'm breaking out
(I took one big step and I looked away, and I thought of all the things that I wanted to say)
I will learn to love again
(I'm always too late, you never got your story straight)
But I will stand a broken man

Yup... the song speaks for itself so I dont need to say anything today... dont feel like expressing today... just this pic...

BABY RAPES DOLLS!!!! XDXP

Ciao y'all,
Gary

2009-11-23T16:49:00.002+08:00

The Mask Within Me (Bleach)

LOL, I'm just putting a pic thats all XD, yeah... Maths was easy la... but like experiences teached me in the past. Dont underestimate anything in life, eventhough it looks easy, it could be a deadly trap that is ready to spring and kill u~~~ lolz XD talking shit here I know~~ P.moral 2mr.... just study some la, since I'm gonna fluck it -.- *shish*

THIS MOVIE I MUST WATCH (sabar la, 4 more months WTF LAAAA!!!) GAARRR MUST WATCH!!!!

Okay, this movie takes place somewhere in the middle eastern... lots of action, cool places, and yeah... its impossible but the title and the movie speaks itself, Prince Dastan ( Jake Gyllenhaal ) who soon obtain the dagger of time, learn that some baddies wanna take the dagger and DESTROY THE WORLD with sandstorm... (thats the best they can get to offer??) anyway the prince soon learn the real power of the dagger of time, which REWINDS time and defy death itself and team up with a rival princess, Tamina (Gemma Arteton) and set off on a journey full of danger and excitement~~~ the rest is up to you to watch it ~~ XD HAHA

Ciao y'all
Gary

My cinderella~~~~

2009-11-22T18:49:00.000+08:00

LOL STUPID LA, my brother and I talked about the girl I liked, mana tahu suddenly call her cinderella -.-||| but I like it ~~~ XXDD I'M HYPER BABY!!! WOO!!!

Something in me changed le ... I'm not being emo again ~~ YAY (is that a good thing?) and I got lesser problems... yeah yeah 2day's my birthday~~~ haha had a self celebration on myself (since parents go to church and hospital to visit my uncle...) so its just left over pizza (birthday cake) and mashed potato (for dessert) the real cake they bought it yesterday at strawberry after dinner at upperstar.... damn la, WHY cant they like give me some suprise??? ALWAYSSSS have to buy in front of me, ask me wat cake and then I have to smile there and say " O " haiz..... but not their fault also la... ( well still, cause they have to do it 9 MONTHS LATE??? WHY I HAVE TO BE BORN IN 22nd NOVEMBER 1992!!! CANT IT BE EARLIER??!! LOLZ, I'm blaming on how slow they had to do it here~~~ XD) and also SPM session lo now -.-, like audrey said in her blog, celebrate IT after SPM~~~ beers, shisha and cakes (dont forget the fries) yup, its either at the bars at tanjung aru.... hmm... fireworks... still in progress on that ~~

I'm happy as I used to be ... but I dont know is that a good thing... celebrating my birthday, without somebody special... not something to be happy about... but whats done is done... I cant get another chance... maybe, after death me itself.

OH and jacky, if you're reading this, dont tell ANY1 about my sickness... CAPISH?!

Adios amigos~~
Gary

2009-11-21T11:41:00.000+08:00

Jesse McCartney - Take you sweet time
It isn't a crime to want
A little space to breathe
But you will be fine,The sun again will shine
On you
Whatever you do

(Chorus)
Take your sweet,sweet time
Cuz I'll be here, when you change your mind
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here for you baby
Anytime

I'm feeling you pull away
'Cause letting go isn't easy for me
But you'll never fly
With someone else's wings,I know
Wherever you go

(Chorus)
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here, when you change your mind
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here for you baby
Anytime

I will never stand in your way
Whereever your heart may lead you
I will love you the same
And I will be your comfort everyday
Do you hear the words I say

(Chorus)
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here (I'll be here)when you change your mind
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here for you baby
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here when you change your mind
Take your sweet,sweet time
I'll be here for you baby
Anytime

Oh, I'll be here, for you
I will be here
I~~~~~~~~oh I'll be here
I will be here

Boyzone - Everyday I love you

I don't know but I believe
That some things are meant to be
And that you'll make a better me
Everyday I love you
I never thought that dreams came true
But you showed me that they do
You know that I learn somethng new
Everyday I love you
'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul.
It's a touch when I feel bad
It's a smile when I get mad
All the little things I am
Everyday I love you
Everyday I love you boy
Everyday I love you
'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul
If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you
And I'll give you my best
Everyday I love you

I'm just being lifeless here posting songs and shits HAHA... Oh crap that reminds me ... 2mr is my birthday... not a happy 1 I would expect... haha who cares anyway... I can wish myself happy birthday... nop, no party, SPM time how can -.-... great... 1 digit to raise on my life cap ( SHIT I'M GETTING OLD!!!! did I lost my virginity lately?) XD the fuck la, UUUUU SHISA!! XP

Ciao y'all,
Gary

2009-11-20T16:00:00.000+08:00

All american rejects - It ends tonight
Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

13th and 14th november 2009.... I wont forget those words you told me that day... dont worry, I'm not gonna run around telling every1 about it. I'll keep it for myself... when u are down and sad, I couldn't do anything, but to just play stupid with you, I told u before that I'll be there and support u no matter wat... guess those days wont come back anymore... I've been stupid and selfish, but I dont know what I was doing. Its not about whether I like u or not, I know from the beginning that, I can never be with you.... because my judgement was clouded... I made you sad, and that you hate me... I didnt wanted them to get involved in this matter, but I did, somewhat... now is SPM, its good to see you and aaron still together now everyday... and that u arent down. I know that u're a strong girl after all, u told me before this before.

"=) its ok -.-" orphan is not tat weak >.< well i cant deny tat gals are weaker than guys"

when u're angry, I'd be patient and I never be angry with u. when u're sad, I try my best to calm u down. Like u said ... those time wont come back anymore.... why am I writing this? I dont know... it maybe something I had been holding back all this time.... but... I'm glad I met you... a best friend ... u changed everything I was back then from form 4... I'm neither asking for another chance nor asking u to forgive me... all I can say now... is that I'm sorry orphan( that for the last time ) and I'll never forget all those days we had fun....

DEAD

2009-11-19T18:24:00.000+08:00

No nid to say, my sejarah is DEAD, SHIT, luckily I got some points, thank GOD jacky talked about that zaman renaisence (is this right? whatever) the most obvious tokoh, LEONARDO DA VINCI and MICHAELANGELO! shish, these guys wont save me obviously... 2mr EST, not part of it.... add maths, ekonomi, perdagangan, maths, p.moral, account and sains is all thats left.

Shane ward - all my life (love it)
I will never find another lover
Sweeter than you
Sweeter than you
And I will never find another lover
More precious than you
More precious than you

Girl you are
Close to me you're like my mother
Close to me you're like my father
Close to me you're like my sister
Close to me you're like my brother
You are the only one,
You're my everything
And for you this song I sing

[CHORUS]

All my life
I prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I
That I finally found you

All my life
I prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you
Feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too

I said, you're all that I'm thinking of
Baby
Said I promise to never
Fall in love with a stranger
You're all I'm thinking of
I praise the Lord above
For sending me your love
I cherish every hug
I really love you

[CHORUS]

You're all that I ever know
When you smile on my face
All I see is a glow
You turn my life around
You picked me up when I was down

You're all that I ever know
When you smile my face glows
You picked me up when I was down

You're all that I ever know
When you smile my face glows
You picked me up when I was down

And I hope that you
Feel the same way too
Yes I pray that you
Do love me too

[CHORUS (2)]

All my life
I prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I
That I finally found you

All my life
I prayed for someone like you
Yes, I pray that you do love me too

[CHORUS (2) (repeat 2x)]

yeah yeah... being lifeless again... putting all this songs and what so ever crap stuffs....

It seems like some people have fail my test... (my kind of test, dont ask) but some passed my test ... and gain my trust and respect, I know that you guys wont understand it =P, no matter. This little test of mine seems stupid... I shouldnt have try it at the 1st place.... haiz, banana!! (wtf)
after SPM, it will be bars, fireworks, driving license, shisa (probably cause I always wanted to try it), shits and giggles (wtf AGAIN) and so on, so on. Maybe lose my virginity in the bar ( AS IF LA ) XDXDXPXP

Urgghhh... dunno what to do 2mr....

Ciao y'all
Gary

God always play with everyone's life....

2009-11-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

Boys like girls (feat taylor swift) - Two is better than one
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

'Cause maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
Yeah, yeah

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When it's all said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one

I believe... that it is fate that brings and separate 2 people.... but it depends on the choices that you make ... and I made mine... If I choose to stay... I'll bring nothing more but pain, so I had to lie on some stuff... You may never know which am I telling the truth ... because .... I dont feel any trust anymore... that night, I asked god, to give me guidance and tell me wat to do... and I did what he told me to do... I guess if I lie about some stuff ... you may never have to know the truth... and be sad... but in the end, its pain and agony that makes it all gone to pieces...

the phrase "God works in a mysterious way" I begin to understand.... but whats the use anyway... It's too late, I sometimes wished... that HE would reverse time for me... to set everything right... and that it wont happen to the 2nd time... BUT, whats done is done.

yeah, fireworks at the 31st december... I think I'll make my 1st move, hopefully it wont backfire...

Peace out,
Gary

No chance in heaven....

2009-11-15T00:11:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah.... SPM is just 4 more days away.... I can't believe how times fly.... how many silly mistakes I've made.... I would think its beyond stupidity. Have I not met you here ... I wouldnt have hurt you... have I never existed... you and him would be together forever.... everything I did.... I've been selfish inside, maybe its the fear of losing you... I dont know ... funny how god would play with people's life.... I dont blame him ... sometimes I made my decision on my own... and it proves to be harsh, I've been a cold hard bastard.... I knew you were gonna say that word... it was suppose to break me or kill me from the inside... but it didnt, my feelings have been playing with me this few months, deception, manipulation, and etc.... it's like there's a different me inside... goddammit, I should have listen to my father to check with the physician...
I can say ... that I'm mentally retarded now... I dont know how or wat should I do, yeah... I guess I dont deserve to live... how many times have I think of killing myself? I've lost count.

I guess that killing myself now wont solve anything anymore... cause here I am, deal with it. all the times I spent with you ... all the things I did... all gone... I know that you would hate me now, I wanted to be sad but I can't ... I'm emotionless now, heartless and my judgement have been clouded with the screams beneath.... I cant even think straight this few months.... stubborn... to put it that way.

Shane ward - All my life
I will never find another lover sweeter than you, sweeter than you
And I will never find another lover more precious than you, more
precious than you
Girl you are close to me you're like my mother,
Close to me you're like my father,
Close to me you're like my sister,
Close to me you're like my brother
You are the only one my everything and for you this song I sing

All my life I've prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too

I said you're all that I'm thinking of.....
Said, I promise to never fall in love with a stranger,
You're all I'm thinking of, I praise the Lord above,
For sending me your love, I cherish every hug,
I really love you

All my life,I've prayed for someone like you,
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you,
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
Yes I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do, love me too

You're all that I ever known, when you smile, on my face, all I see is a glow.
You turned my life around, you picked me up when I was down,
You're all that I ever known, when you smile your face glows
You picked me up when I was down
You're all that I ever known, when you smile on your face all I see is a glow,
You picked me up when I was down and I hope that you feel the same way
too,
Yes I pray that you do love me too

All my life, I've prayed for someone like you,
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
Yes, I pray that you do love me too
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
Yes, I pray that you do love me too
[repeat till fade]

God... give me strength.... I need guidance....

Signing off,
Gary

It's all fate....

2009-11-14T13:06:00.000+08:00

Nickleback - If everyone cared..

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
(I'm alive)

[Chorus x2]

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died
When nobody died...

[Chorus]

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died

all the things happened... it's all fate... I'm not a guy that believes in fate or had alot of faith with GOD... but I'm damn sure he's real alright... funny... how HE likes to play with everyone's life and made them feel hurt ... anyhow ... last night I feel emotionless... no mood... thunder outside... all the sudden tears rolling down of my eyes, I neither feel sad nor down... but I cried alright...

LOLZ jennifer's body really SUCK, story line bad, I dont get 1 fucking shit out of this movie?! and I feel VERY sleepy on this movie~~

Peace out,
Gary

2009-11-13T16:08:00.000+08:00

Michael Jackson - This is it
1,2,3,4
This is it, Here I stand
I’m the light of the world
I feel grand
And this love, I can feel
And I know, Yes for sure
It is real

And it feels as though I’ve seen your face a thousand
times
And you said you really know me, yourself
And I know that you have got addicted with you eyes
But you say you’re gonna leave it for yourself

Oh
I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan
I never thought that I would be your lover
Come on please just understand

This is it
Like I said
I’m a light of your world
run away
we can feel
This is real
Every time I’m in love yeah I feel

And I feel as though I’ve known you since a thousand
years
And you tell me that you’ve seen my face before
And you said to me that you don’t want me hanging
around
many times wanna do it here before
Oh yeah
I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan
I never thought that I would be your lover
Come on please just understand
This is it
I can feel
I’m the light of the world
This is real
feel my song
we can say
And I tell you feel that way

And it feels as though I’ve known you for a thousand
years
And you said you saw my face yourself
And you said want to go with you all the while
And I know that it’s really for myself
Oh yeah
I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan
I never thought that I would be your lover
Come on please dear understand

I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan
I never thought that I would be your lover
Come on dear please understand
Oh yeah

I never heard a single word about you
Falling in love wasn’t my plan

yeah yeah..... in love again... just 5 days to go SPM, already get another feeling..... I hate this random feelings..... well.... that day at 1borneo... I bluff with gordon she's there, mana tahu really there... YES, this is called fate.... but right after I had a heart wound? .... I really dont know, must be half of that feeling have been gone along time ago.... thanks to them, I know how to let go of it.... but of what course? I dont know does she hate me.... or just afraid things will go wrong like that day again... OKAY, enough about my stupid love problem.

2day... well its class party, have some fun la... but quite boring than expected -.- well they did the best la.... I WONDER, should I post that video of nasrul pole dancing or wat? XD OKAY I WILL !!!! u guys know the rest la... I lazy type all those inside here,

Ciao amigos,
Gary

Feeling sick......

2009-11-10T16:53:00.000+08:00

SWT!!!! I'm really feeling sick to my stomach right now zzz GODDAMMIT and l8r I have to go tuition again..... the eeefffffff. Today Audrey got pissed off ... lolz I dont even know how to calm her down ... but just let her be or else she kill me T.T... kena tumbuk also ~~ lucky not slap on the face, THAT IS MORE PAIN!!!! Haha wat to do, people steal her idea and dont appreciate her -.-, I really hate people bully the lil ones, ( no offense sis ) XD. This is something I wanted to write

Okay.... truth is .... I planned it from the start... I didnt know when it will happen ... but it happened alright... I somehow knew that she's going to ask Jacky that question one day.... and that she'll not lie about it... I just play along with this.... I'm not mad of any of my friends 1 ... I know they're trying to help... and help I got it.... When she asked me the question ... I have to say "the chamber have just loosen up" ..... actually it wasnt locked away from my heart at all... I still had that feeling with her.... somehow.... the inside told me "DONT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT AARON!! JUST TAKE HER!!" but I cant submit to it..... long last... I've been in pain.... and I think ... the best way .... is that I stay away from her..... My judgement was clouded heavily... my heart was pierced with almost 4 swords inside.... Okay, I know I'm starting to talk weird here.... what I didnt anticipated.... is that Jacky would say it all to her... and the group would hate her..... I'm sorry in behave of my friends.... they will cool down in time....

I know.... that I would not be the 1 that you can love.... and that I know that u try to make me lose hope on you ... and that I wont be able to get you.... when that night, u told me to leave .... I dont know ..... I respect your decision.... and that this bear left orphan to the 1 you love..... you gave me 1 more chance ... and I've wasted it.... the promise we made .... I had to break it.... but that last promise I wont break... and that is your gift..... when you were sad... I cant be there for you always.... no is to be blamed here .... the person only to blamed ... is me.... I made this thing gone bad to worse.... like THE ROAD NOT TAKEN..... I cant go back to that road anymore... it's my choice..... I have made mine...

Chris Daughtry - Over You
Now that it’s all said and done

I can’t believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down

Like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left

Just left me cold and out of breath

I fell too far, was in way too deep

Guess I let you get the best of meeee

(Chorus)

Well I never saw it coming

I should have started running

A long, time agooo!

And I never thought I’d doubt you

I’m better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I’m slowly getting closure

I guess it’s really over

I’m finally gettin’ better

Now I’m picking up the pieces

From spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through

I got over you!!!

(End Chorus)

You took a hammer to these walls

Dragged the memories down the hall

Packed your bags and walked away

There was nothing I could say,

And when you slammed the front door shut

A lot of other’s opened up

So did my eyes so I could see

That you never were the best for meee

(Chorus)

Well I never saw it coming

I should have started running

A long, time agooo!

And I never thought I’d doubt you

I’m better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I’m slowly getting closure

I guess it’s really over

I’m finally getting’ better

Now I’m picking up the pieces

From spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through

I got over you!!!

(End Chorus)

I never saw it coming

I should have started running

A long, long time agooo

And I never thought I’d doubt you

I’m better off without you

And I never saw it coming

I should have started running

I’m finally getting better

Now I’m picking up the pieces

From spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

And I got over you!!!

And I got over you!!!

And I got over you!!!

The day I thought I’d never get through.
I got over you…

2009-11-07T13:35:00.000+08:00

Chris Daughtry - No Suprise

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God know we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no, as no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

The kiss goodnight, it comes with me
Both wrong and right, our memories
The whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can't keep
Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

just posting a song thats all ...

what i've done?

2009-11-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

Linkin Park - What I've done

In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done

I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

What I've done
Forgiving what I've done

I really dont know what have I done.... why did I met u on the 1st place.... I believed ... that all this time, is god's will to let me get to know you... but now .... I dont know am I defying him... or I'm a following his plan.... maybe all this was meant to be.... what I know is that I'm lucky to have a good friends like you guys... ( you know who I meant ) I'll never forget any of you even if I die... hmph... death....

I may not know what the future is installed for me right now... but I have to forget about you in order to move forward.... I'm sorry that I can't be with you anymore... I hope you'd understand .... you changed my life for the past 2 years since I 1st meet you and know you....back then, other people talk bad things about you... but I never listen to them, I never had my thoughts thinking that u're horrible.... instead I think of you as a lost angel.... an angel that need guidance.... and that you were the one.... of all the girls I met... I never had that feeling before in my entire life... well... I guess this maybe the last thing I would write about you now.... Goodbye.

Signing off,
Gary

heartbreak....

2009-11-06T20:06:00.000+08:00

I really dont know now.... I'm feeling sad... but not sad... I feel hot but its cold instead.... I felt cold but its hot.... I'm having a random mood and senses now.... God.... have I've been so blind all this time?! and that all the things I caused is only misery, hate, and sorrowness?! HAVE I DONE SOMETHING WRONG???!!! PLEASE TELL ME!!! ..... she changed everything of my life and on that day I told myself I'm devoted to her and that I vow to be by her side ... to support her whenever she needs me..... and now... I really dont even know where this thing is going.... SPM is around the corner.... I dont want to tell her about how I really felt cause I dont want to put any pressure or burden to her.... but then .... I cant blame you guys for being like that.... I know u guys r trying to help... and that u dont want me to feel sad all the time .... yeah yeah... friends is everything to me... but so does love... if it was u guys to decide? which would you choose? Your future or your friends? sure we can be friends forever .... but there are sometimes that we have to spend our times with our lover too, right? maybe ... idk... its hard for me to choose right now....

I felt bad right now and that its me who have been selfish all this time.... I know you wont read it until SPM ends.... I'll leave you now... as you told me to do.... Thank you for changing my life for the past 2 years.... I wont forget u though.... and I hope that u can make a right decision this time...

2009-11-05T14:43:00.000+08:00

This morning, I really dont know what happen to me ... (man, I hate my pimple on my nose -.-, its the 2nd time in 2 years!!!!) Like Jess said la... *Why u having a mood swing?* and aaron also ask *Whats wrong with you?* ... well I dont know really.... lost memory maybe XD, haha... yeah yeah... I got some problems again la... the same problems.... well not much to care la this time.... I mean ... who cares anyway....

Michael Buble - Sway
When marimba rhythms start to play
Dance with me, make me sway
Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore
Hold me close, sway me more

Like a flower bending in the breeze
Bend with me, sway with ease
When we dance you have a way with me
Stay with me, sway with me

Other dancers may be on the floor
Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have that magic technique
When we sway I go weak

I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now

Other dancers may be on the floor
Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have that magic technique
When we sway I go weak

I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now
You know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now

SPM 13 more days this and I'm still blogging? wth la.... haiz.... guess somethings cant be forgotten.... she changed everything I am back then.....

Signing off,
Gary

Wat am I doing...

2009-10-30T16:21:00.000+08:00

Urrgghh.... I cant made up my mind upon where to continue my studies.... I wont be going to I.S. (my mum was suprised and my dad say dont play play =.= of course I'm not playing... I'M SERIOUS??!!) Cant they sometimes tell whether I'm serious or not? ... jesus... I'm so blur right now... I can't even make my own decisions.... If only I can see the future.."yeah keep dreaming on" thats what Jacky would tell me =.=........

I didnt choose I.S because of some reasons.... I don't know is it the right thing to do or not.... but ... it's better that way. Maybe I'll go penang with Jacky... or I go my own ways.... right now I need my father's and brother's advice.... It's the least I can do right now....

Nickelback - I'd come for you...

Just One more moment, that's all that's needed.
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.
Time to be honest, this time I'm bleeding
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it

I cant believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up forgive me now
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing
My mind was closing, now I'm believing
I finally know what just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
You know I'd always come for you

Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,
Yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to

And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you

Well.... I dont think you need me to be there for you anymore now.... because there's some1 else who loves you and he's always there with you on every problem you have.... every day, I feel we're like going apart.... It's like I dont know who you are anymore... and you dont know who am I... everytime I try to talk, chat with you... you're always busy ... or you throw me aside to the shadow.... well... I dont blame you anymore..... It's alright ... I deserved all of the damnation.....

AARRGGGHHHH I think I'm being paranoid again ... maybe you're just busy and stressed out on your SPM... NEVER MINDZZZ

Son by four - Purest of Pain
I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you
But I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
And so I surrender just to hear your voice
I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live without you
And maybe someone else is standing there beside you
But there's something baby that you need to know
That deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking

Chorus
Vida, give me back my fantasies
The courage that I need to live
The air that I breathe
Carino mio, my world's become so empty
My days are so cold and lonely
And each night I taste the purest of pain

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
That I didn't hurt when you walked away
But to tell you the truth I can't find my way
And deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.

Chorus (twice)

Vida, give me back my fantasies
The courage that I need to live
The air that I breathe
I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you
But I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
And so I surrender just to hear your voice

Signing off,
Gary

2009-10-29T14:02:00.000+08:00

Lifehouse - You and Me

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive

Audrey didnt came 2day ... cause she wanna sleep at home (in other words, LAZY) but still can talk bout sth else la... usually if 1 of the gangs not here dunno wat to talk T.T, this morning, jacky write out the things we need to buy BEFORE going to australia. When she told us she's gonna bring a sleeping bag? (that was moral time) Me and aaron was like ... wth?? (I was thinking sending her to the morgue while she was asleep or throw her like throwing a dead body to somewhere?? XD) and yeah... nasrul said sth about want to be insaf?? and not saying *fuck* forever, but he failed... 3 times XD

yeah... jessica's birthday plan changed... to PIZZA HUT after school.... nasrul cannot go cause have to go back to kampung? for his granma funeral... (not his real granma?) so yeah... thats all I could write 2day... I still cannot forget bout her.... ciao...

Signing out,
Gary

Can i live without you? ....

2009-10-26T14:31:00.000+08:00

Celine Dion - How do I live without you...

How do I get thru one
night without you,
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be.

Oh and I, I need you in my arms
Need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul.
If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away
Everything good in my life.

Without you there'd be
no sun in my sky.
There would be no love in my life.
There'd be no world left for me

And I, baby I don't know
what I would do.
[ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ]
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby, you would take away
Everything real in my life
And tell me now......

How do I live without you?
I want to know.
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I
Oh, how do I live?

If you ever leave.
Baby you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby, 'cause you know that you're
Everything good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go.

How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I
Oh, how do I live
How do I live without you, baby?

I dont think I could live without you.... It's like you're part of my life already from the very beginning I met you... Of all the other girls... ( I got some gf before also la ) but ... the feeling ba ... lasted 2 or 3 months... but then... 2 years?? wtf I think I'm being so lifeless... right now... its best I just be your teddy bear.... thats all... and I want you to know... that I'll always be there for you....

Signing off,
Gary aka Teddy Bear

What is right and what is not....

2009-10-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

I cant tell wat I do now is right or wrong.... it seems like everything I did was right... but its wrong to most of friends... I dont know ... I guess I wasn't clever enough to do the right thing.... Its now out of my hands now.... I guess backing out now is not an option...

3 Doors Down - Here without you
A hundred days had made me older
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face

A thousand lights had made me colder and I don�t think I can look at this the same

But all the miles had separate
They disappear now when I�m dreaming of your face

I�m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I�m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it�s only you and me

The miles just keep rollin
as the people either way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
but I hope that it gets better as we go

I�m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I�m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it�s only you and me

Everything I know,
and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won�t take away my love
And when the last one falls,
when it�s all said and done
it get hard but it won�t take away my love

I�m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I�m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it�s only you and me

I'll just let everything be for now... It's SPM... I dont want to put any tension to you or myself...

Signing off,
Gary aka ... Teddy bear who get wat he deserves.... sorrowness and pain...

Forgetting all of it

2009-10-24T14:08:00.000+08:00

Simple plan - How can this happen to me...
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light.
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I'm laying here tonight
And I can’t STAND the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t STAND the pain

*CHORUS*
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold
On to a time when
Nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

*CHORUS*
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
(just putting this song for fun)

Haha ... after you answered my questions ... I finnaly understand it... thanks for answering me truthfully.... I'm neither sad nor down... I'm glad u did answer me =), and dont worry ... I wont steal the bride from the groom anymore.... haha samson, if you're reading this, then I dont need any freaking church or watsoever religous teaching or spiritual mumbo jumbo, I got the answer I was expecting and I'm totaly free from my pain now... ^_^

And yeah... I'm still thinking of that ... 10 years curse of not dating or love any girls and guys... (I aint gay and I'm not bisexual like nasrul =.=|||)
CAPISH?(meaning OKAY?) oh and audrey... I still think u should be an office girls... NOT that I'm underestimating u but... well... bahhhh if I say more l8r marah me lagi tu ~.~, your own decision la =P

Signing off,
Gary aka teddy bear

HELL!!!!!!

2009-10-21T14:10:00.000+08:00

GARRRRRRR these few days I can't even concentrate or study well !! SHIT OH!!!!! I also don't know why ... *TELL ME WHYYYYYY IS SO HARD TO FORGET, DONT REMIND MEEEEEE*
LOLZ 2day got that sejarah ceramah thinggy.... guess most of us never pay attention to it since we want to FAIL sejarah instead of.... getting A+ on sej??? (if I really pass this sejarah ... some1 give me a gun to shoot myself) ...

Goo Goo Dolls - I just want you to know who I am

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
‘Cause sooner or later it’s
just don’t want to miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everythïng’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

I dont know why I've been finding old songs these few days... must have some connection on it to my feelings ... I'm confused... OH, I forgot 1 more thing... at the hall the teacher on that song ... Miley Cryus- THE CLIMB!!!!!!!!!! Then I dont know WHO THE HELL keep singing it after the the ceramah ... *its the climb~~~ its the climb~~ its the... STFU LAAA B!TCH* ( the fan po from other class ) stupiak...
The new drama... * BORN RICH* looks nice.... wanna watch it... cause got some scene from KK, sabah... haha now that sabah is also a place to film .... like my brother said... maybe and I meant MAYBE, next time, bollywood or hollywood will come to shoot their movies here... and this place will be famous... haha guess that will happen after we all died (wtf am I saying)

Signing out,
Gary aka teddy bear

MEDIC!!!!!!

2009-10-18T21:08:00.001+08:00

I think I really need a doctor ... or a pshycologist.... (whatever its called...) I AM TOO OBSESSED @.@.... okay .. don't panic... its not the end of the world right?? I mean its not that serious right??? (oh shyt, I'm panicking....)

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

holy shit... I'm really going loco .... DDDDDAAAAAAMMMMMMMM
I NEED TO TRAVEL THE WHOLE WORLD @.@

lolz just now Audrey told me she want to work at an office... I was thinking office girl ... for starters, to get some experience ba... and yeah suddenly she asked me if she can work at my dad's office... LOLZ I was about to said that, when she herself said it... so yeah.. see 1st la... I have to take over the office 1 day.... (its not world wide... but maybe it will be soon, XD) I got alot to learn too .... If I can't go college or uni (or maybe I dont wanna) ... Then I'll work at my dad's office.... hmm... and yeah .. job is open for you Audrey... so feel free to stop by if you wanna work and get some experiences

Signing off,
Gary aka Teddy bear ( still dont think its right )

Here we are again...

2009-10-18T13:30:00.000+08:00

Lolz.. I've been smsing with some folks and ask them of their plan for next year... most of them want to go overseas study... some work with their fathers, others ... well, HAVE FUN 1ST THEN PLAN... (wtf) it couldnt get anymore worse than that... right?

(This is a note to everyone and myself)
Ask yourself this... If you were to make a decision... would you listen to that person, OR do what your heart and instincts tells you to do? Its not about if you're weak in choosing or whatsoever... sure you can ask others for advices and help... but its important if you think its the right decision to make... and that decision have to be FINAL... you cant just think "oh wait, I made my mind"!! if its final then its FINAL. I'm telling this to everyone who read this ... to think before you choose.... or that decision would be your final act and it will ... and I mean it WILL hurt you and to ANYONE else.... You wouldnt want that ... would ya now?

Here I am ... yapping, bullshitting all the crap I said... why?? because NO ONE WOULD LISTEN A WORD I SAID!!! I MEAN NO ONE!!!

I know... I'm having an unstable mood again... dont feel like writing anymore... ciao...

Signing off,
Gary aka Teddy bear

Things got complicated

2009-10-17T11:43:00.000+08:00

Wth... I may say it once and I may it a hundred times ... WTH LA. For these past few days is really confusing la... I also dunno wat am I doing (unconsious mind ... so I dunno wat to do) ... Ferik, I pray and wish for your grandmother to get well soon... sorry I didnt ask why u didnt came to school... I was blurry that time...

Great... 1st of all I dont know what is going on with the gangs.... and 2nd, they having problems again... 3rd and finnaly, I've been having some heart pain... no nothing to do with love or sth like that... DAM I really must go to gym after SPM... or I'll end up dead... just like uncle bob...( who's bob? )

Clay aiken - Invisible
Whatcha? doin? tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who's stealin' your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

Saw your face in the crowd
I call out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could read what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life

[Chorus]

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)

I reach out
But you don't even see me
Even when I'm scream out
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through...

[Repeat Chorus]

If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...
If I was invisible...

yeah... I wish I was, so I can see what you doing now.... funny ... I cant stop thinking about you no matter what... It doesnt affect my studies or anything... but kinda miss you.... =X...

and yeah ... SORRY to those who invite me to check out the education fair... I didnt went there cause need to help my parents do stock check on the office... >.<

Aerosmith- I dont wanna close my eyes

could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you're far away and dreaming,
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
I could stay lost in this moment forever,
When every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,

(Chorus)
I don't wanna close my eyes,
I don't wanna fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I'd still miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Lying close to you,
feeling your heart beating,
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you're seeing,
And then I kiss your eyes,
And thank God we're together,
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever,
Forever and ever.

(Chorus)

And I don't wanna miss one smile,
I don't wanna miss one kiss,
I just wanna be with you,
Right here with you, just like this,
Well I just wanna hold you close,
And feel your heart so close to mine,
And just stay here in this moment,
For all the rest of time
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah

(Chorus repeated 2 times)

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

This song is my feelings to you >.< ... cause me some problem to find it -.- but its worth everything...

man ... after SPM I'm sure to learn how to play some music instruments... guitar? eg(electric guitar), drum, piano(no waaaayyyyy), saksafon(I love this instrument) and etc etc

Quick post..

2009-10-16T14:33:00.000+08:00

Okay I'm gonna write all this in just 10 minutes time so...

Yeah.. I've been fine for these few days... but the problems come and go as they please.... arrghh save it...

Well 2 days ago... I went to toilet with ricky... we talked awhile... and he notice I have a problem... so I told him some of my problems... and he gave me quite an advice ... and pondok just now he gave me another advices... yeah... I think he's right about it.... I should forget about it.... eventhough we didnt talk to each other always... he is a nice person (so called gay person) XD thanks alot !

My result for pp2 ...
Maths = 32/40 (still incomplete)
Bm = 29/100 ( OMGGGGGG DIE )
BI = 43/75 (terrible ... but better than last time I emo)
Sej (not yet)
Akaun (not yet)
Pdg (not yet)
Eko (not yet)
Science (not yet)
Add maths = 26/100 (T.T my 14 mark gone to dust, FUCK)

Well this is my current results... I doubt any1 would care or look at it, XD, just post for fun....

Hmm... this is all I have to write gotta run!!
Love my gangs and orphan. XD

Signing off,
Gary aka teddy bear.

days without you...

2009-10-13T10:22:00.000+08:00

David Cook -Always be my baby

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby.

Second looks like minutes...
minutes looks like hours...
hours looks like days...
days looks like months...
months looks years....
and a year without u is like waiting for u for eternity...

Love is so complicated... isn't it? well according to experts.. love can make your life go easier.. or so to say make your life simple... it decreases your stress level, makes you feel alive, luckiest man/woman on the planet (everybody says that when they think they found their true love) but it also proves that sometimes love can be turned to a nightmare... obession, lust, anger, sadness, and etc... and you might think that you're doing sth to prove to her that you care.. but instead you're hurting yourself... even if he/she's your best friend, you wouldnt want to fight with him/her to steal the ones you love.... it would just cause agony and pain... but no matter what cost it has... you'll always let him/her know that you'll be at his/her side no matter what and you wouldnt want to break down easily... you have to fight to handle it sometimes.... (hmmm its like a note for myself... since i'm falling for someone else XD)

Signing off,
Gary aka teddy bear.

Crazzzzyyyyyyyyyyyy

2009-10-11T17:18:00.000+08:00

LOLZ MY SECOND POST AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO PUT!!! SO I'M GONNA PUT STUPID STUFFS!!!! @.@...........................................................

Hmmm...... 1st things 1st.... still counting down spm... 38 DAYS TO GO FOR SPM... (Audrey, u miscounted 2 days behind lolz) after spm... GO TAKE DRIVING LICENSE, GO TO WORK AT MY FATHERS OFFICE!!, HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS ... AAANNNNNDDDD so on... haha, wow I'm proud of myself... this few weeks or days didnt play computer at all... ( thats because my computer is not fixed =.=||| and the laptop is in pieces now... so yeah using my uncle's ) but... if internet and all... I cannot resist!!! temptation..... fuck.... just like girls... they cant resist shopping new stuff and all, thats why its call TEMPTATION!!! ... not lust XD, lust is for guys and girls doing you know what... XD

Well after exercising with the trackmile... and do some sit ups... I feel much better and relaxed now ( although its tiring ...) buuutt it really pays off... okay... hmm.... one things for sure... if Jessica started a husband-list ... I should make a wife-list... XD but I dont know WHO TO START!!! AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH @.@ maybe the girls from my class... or some leng lui at other class... OORR college girls... (damn PLS DONT LET THE CURSE WORK ON ME!!!) either way I'm still feeling lonely T.T

Hmm... I'm slowly and slowly... AANNNDD slowly..... controling my emotions... guess the soul in me have not fully gotten out yet.... I not say I want to be heartless or whatsoever.... I'm talking about moving on with my DAMN life....

Well I've make my decision ... and decide to take the other road... that road I've taken a long time ago... I'm done with it... I'm moving on with the other 1.... Hope it wont be the biggest mistake of my life....

BUT HEELLLLLLLLLL I WANT GET HIGGGGHHHHHHHHH XXXXXXXDDDDDDDDDDDD LOLZ WTH IS WRONG WITH ME???!!!

Signing off,
Gary aka Teddy Bear

XDDDDDD

2009-10-11T13:40:00.000+08:00

Lolz I cannot possibly type it 1 million time like u said... but....

I LOVE ORPHAN ( TO THE POWER OF INFINITY ) XXXXXXDDDDDDDD

ROFLMAOMGAWDAMNATIONICE!!!!! XD

HAHA I'M GOLAGILA ALREADY!!!!!!!! @.@.@.@.@ WWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HIGH ON CRACKS AND COCCAINES!!!! @.@ BLLLEEHHHHHH!!!! XD

1st things 1st ... hmm... wat am I suppose to start... well, I alreadi explain to orphan and said sorry to her... ( I NEVER WILL DUMP UUUUUUUUU ) and yeah... another problem solved... NO OTHER PROBS CAME...only add maths need to pass up 2mr ... zzz MALAS LAAAA.

so yeah.... I'm speechless *GASPING FOR AIR* and the reason I write those ... err... not gonna be here in the future?? ... is because I fear for death... You see... I dont know what sickness I have in my body... but it rarely hurts la... that day on thursday... I felt it again... right in my heart... I dont know what is it... and I dont want any1 to worry ba... sudah lah my father got heart problem now... and yet... I'm having it at a young age?? (god I really need to cut some weight after SPM) ... I'm still confident ... but worried at the same time... because I dont know if everytime I wake up... I would live to see the next day... or see the light again...

So I dont hope for anything.... I just wanna be happy now and do sth in my life...

Signing off,
Gary aka (still officially orphans teddy bear)

XD

God knows what happen...

2009-10-10T22:36:00.000+08:00

Just now audrey have a major breakdown because of the guy she likes for a longgg time do sth to hurt her (I dont know wat happen because she wont tell me and neither her nor jacky would tell me WHO THE HELL IS THAT GUY =.=|||) luckly I send some messages to her just to advice her... (I hope it works) and that she says she's fine but still sad (I dont knnnoooowwww hmm...) and I still wanna laugh my ass off because of nasrul and jacky's letter that they wrote to me... lolz u guys.... I'm fine bbbbaaaahhhhh.

Well just now have a lil chat with jacky ... she sms with this hot guy?? and I reply to her *that hot guy is gonna lose his balls, the next time he sees you* XD lolzz beats me... yeah and thanks jacky for spending your time talking with me on some stupid and empty stuffs.... I feel better now XD

Lolz ... I really cant believe I'm doing this to myself... I've cursed myself not to have any girls FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS AND IT REALLY HAPPENS??? FFFUUUCCKKKK!!!! but... yeah... I dont even wan have any girls ... AND BOYS (dont even think about me getting into guys pants) I just want 1 thing only... A DOG !!!!!!!! WOOF, man's best friend...

Why I want a dog rather than going to find any1 to love?? because I dont want to have another heartbreak and watsoever stuffs.... I'm done with it. I dont want to know about what happens next, I dont wanna know ANYTHING.

and yeah... Jessica... I will keep the promise you told me b4... just dont forget about me okay?? and yeah... I make sure that present reach to your hand. yeah... I dont know if I'll be here the next time ... so ... lolz wtf am I trying to say zzz I WONT DIE GAAARRRRR!!!! I WONT GIVE IN TO IT !!!!!!! FUCK IT!!!!!

Signing off,
Gary aka teddy bear (......)

I wonder why...

2009-10-10T13:49:00.000+08:00

Damn .... sorry everybody... I had an unstable moment just now.... now I'm okay after hearing some musics, study, and play 1 round of dota =P.

Well.... This morning I dont know why la... I sat at the couch, drinking milo, and watch AXN, and all the sudden at the dining room, my mum and dad have a fight, I dont know why or what r they fighting again... haiz... I dont care about it... when it was noon, my mum told me that my dad have a heart problem... I was shocked to hear it... she say maybe 1 or 2 years he cannot work anymore... I guess... I wont be going to any college or university then... I need to help my dad with the office work... if not, who would take care of the shop when he's gone? ... I now regret all the things I did to him.... we werent close ... and I never did my job as a son.... This time I wont let him down... I will try my best to help him ... as he have sacrificed alot for me...

the other problem is my personal prob.... I dont wanna tell to any1 about it...

I dont know why... there's a sound in my head that keeps bugging me... distracting me from anything.... I hear an echo... but cant hear what is it... I maybe losing my mind ... or I'm just paranoid...

come on man... that thing have just past on... why cant u just forget it and move on?? you wana stay broken all the time and sit down there like a baby?? GROW UP LAA!!!! ( note to myself ) haiz... but I just cant seem to forget it.... well.... let's just see what happens next...

Signing off,
Gary aka teddy bear (HHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM)

If tommorow was your last day...

2009-10-10T01:01:00.000+08:00

NO NO I'm not talking about the song that nickleback made... well the song have some meanings la... but seriously WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF 2MR WAS YOUR LAST DAY??? pls answer here if u guys wanna XD...

Well if for me I would do all the things I wanted to do is...( too much so I cut to the chase ) go marry the girl I loved, met with old friends, go have sex at public (fuck that is so wrong), and etcsssss .... haha

AND I'M FINE THANK YOU, SO U GUYS DONT NEED TO WORRY OR GIVE ME ADVICES, OKAY??!!

I feel like a lil child~~~ whose life have just begun ~~ you came and breathed new life into this lonely heart of mine ~~~ you threw out the life line ~~ just in the nick of time *SCREAAAMMMMSSSSS*

If any of you read this you should listen to this song David Archuleta - YOU CAN. that songs tells my feelings okay??

great... yesterday I got caught by my mum on going to cyber T.T but luckily I told her I check on internet, so she let me go and I managed to get away with it this time XD ( I know I know... 39 days to go... thats my last cyber visits... ) now is just at home... check facebook, blog... study ... and watch tv... hmmm....

lolz ... I should be sleeping now =.=||| ... cause 5 hours left for me to sleep and then go account tuition... well it aint the 1st time I did this XD.

I'm just glad and happy that some people's are finally going to be close together now... especially my parents and my friends. Yeap... finally... guess my role here is done after all, some of you would think that I'm really happy about it, and some of you would think I'm still sad about it... but you may never know =P cause I'm full of mystery and have 5 faces in myself... so you guys would never know if I'm telling the turth or lies, or how I feel now. Maybe it was all just pretend? like those drama? or maybe it's real... so think about it when you guys said sth to me, will ya?

Signing out
Gary aka Teddy Bear (hmmm...)

........

2009-10-07T16:04:00.000+08:00

Well .... to start I dont know what to write... so I'm gonna write some stuff POINTLESSLY (is there a word for this?)

Haiz... lots of stuffs keep bugging me on my head ... and my heart... I know, I know, I know it myself... I'm hurt but not down... Its just 1 stab of needle on my heart... there's lots of stabs in it for the past years... feeling betrayed, upset, break ups, I've may have been hurt alot of times... but I was never down with it... if the next time, you look at me and that you THINK that I look down and out ... think again... I'm not that weak okay? I dont care wat other people think of me or say about me... great... I'm starting to babble again... Haiz.

I admit ... if chui did told you about my past ... it was freakingly hilarous and stupid! but... yeah that time I was unstable on everything ... when primary 6, my mind was like a ... 4 year old kid... hell after entering lok yuk school... form 1 to 3 ... it really changed me.

Well... seems like there are those who dont need me anymore... I guess my job here is done... I played the devil ... and I did it with good intensions... I didnt say that it hurts me.... but I started it... and some1 have to write a happy ending right? ... That moment... that month ... I will never forget what I did or wat decisions I made... I'm not say I'm happy about it NOR I said I'm sad about it... just maybe all this while ... its all in my thoughts...

I guess that death maybe around the corner sometimes... no I'm not talking about suicide or other peoples... but something hit me... let's just say I'm paranoid... but ... I just got a hunch... that death would hit me one of these days... not late, not too early... I guess I wont get a chance to travel around the world then... or find some1 else... HAHAHAHA....

Thats about it.... I think...

Signing off
Gary.

bloody hell... i'm such a dimwit...

2009-10-06T13:53:00.000+08:00

LOLZ, yeah I admit.. I'm a fucking, sarcastic, mother loving piece of shitholer!!!! (I can't believe I'm saying this)

Yeap... I dont know why le... I keep asking the same question on every1 I asked.. and I get a different answer ... but same meaning ... MOVE ON, GET A NEW LIFE, PLAY MORE DOTA THAN THAT ( thanks alot =.=" ), WATCH HAM PIAN (no thanks ... its been 1 year I didnt watch it... sort of XD)

Damn ... account 2day was H.A.R.D. ... I dont remember all those .... haiz... spm counting down ... 4+ days left... then we all hang out together and then ... move on our own seperate ways... WHO KNOWS, maybe 1 day we will meet together, some will be still single... some will be married or engaged... and ... you know the rest...

When that day comes ... and we go our own ways... remember NO matter what happens you'll all always be my best FRIENDS!!!!

Yup... after I watch that drama I realised something... crying and looking down doesnt solve anything... if things didnt go as plan ... you just have to be strong and look on your future... go on with life.... and maybe you'll meet again one day... and find the one you treasure the most... (I'm talking to myself)

Hmm.... jacky said to me yesterday... " LET'S GO BALI!!! " lolz.... wth la.... go bali for wat...

pfft.... so its true then... when u tell a lie for a 100 times... they will believe your words... I dont know if I may able to lie to myself or all of you... I dont wanna lie... but some lies are meant for a good reason ... and bad 1 ...

The World can be cruel on everyone...

2009-10-04T14:32:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I dont know about this... but I feel like I'm getting tired of this... I thought if I go out from the lil box I once live in... I might able to feel free.. and no doubt .. get a better life than just sit at home .. watching tv, playing computer ... It's not that I dont WANT to get out and have fun... but in reality... the world IS cruel against anyone ... and that we have to deal with it...

Imagine... that you know when you're going to die... and the sickness that you have been infected... will you do the things that you want to do and say for a very long time... time is getting short and shorter.... when will it happen? I dont know... but hope is the best thing now... to wish for god to give some more time... I dont know what might happen the next time I open my eyes... It's something that I dont want to think about it...

Well... last night ... shit man... The waiter didnt told me that my drink have Liquor... and I drank it... I didnt get drunk... but I dont know what overtook me.... start to cry without a reason in the car... guess alcohol can turn people to feel soft...

Greenday - 21 Guns

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

and you can never tell what would happen to your future... you just have to embrace it yourself...

Signing off
Jess's Bear

Songs that really touched me

2009-10-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

Hinder- lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

Michael jackson- You are not alone

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
You are not alone

All alone
Why, oh

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
So forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Then something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
And you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone

David Archuleta - You can ... ( this songs reminds me of her )

Take me where I've never been
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come
To those who wait

Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end

If you asked me, I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Baby, when you look at me
Tell me what do you see?
Are these the eyes of someone
You could love?

'Cause everything that brought me here
Well, not it all seems so clear
Baby, you're the one that I've been dreaming of
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end

If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love

Only you can take me sailing in your deepest eyes
Bring me to my knees and make me cry
And no one's ever done this
Everything was just a lie and I know, yes, I know

This is where it all begins
So tell me it will never end
I can't fool myself
It's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Show me that good things come
To those who wait

The Life We all have...

2009-10-03T18:03:00.000+08:00

Yup... everyone's living their normal life... wake up, read newspapers, have breakfast, go to work/school/watever, and so on, so on. We all do our regular activities... but do you ever wonder? why we always have to follow all this regular routines? I mean its like we're test labs... and someone out there is watching us... as if the whole entire galaxy is just a box, where there are many other boxes that GOD created...

The day before yesterday horrors me.... the news write "ANGRY EARTH". Well, mothernature is releasing her wrath again..... why? because of some pricks who cut down trees and dont care about nature!! Sometimes... I really felt helpless... I wanted to help the WORLD... but sadly ... I'm not chosen by GOD... I'm just another failed creation who goes to school, hang out with friends and CANT EVEN MAKE A TOPIC!!!! man ... after college and university... I'm really leaving the state ... and go around the world.... I guess i need to find a new inspiration... Who knows ... maybe I wont survive... or live...

Time is running out on my life.... I felt sick and I dont think i have much time left in me ... and I dont know when will it happen... I want to do so much in my life... but every day it's getting shorter... and shorter... guess.... I really dont have the guts to tell the truth... THAT truth... I've been keeping it for a long time... and its best I keep it for myself rather than watching anyone of them carry my burden...

Haiz... guess its harder than I imagine... again I shed in tears ... not because of the song ... but my thought keep bugging me....

I dont have mood to write on anything now...

Signing off
Bear.

Late night post 2!!

2009-10-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

I know ... I know... its like night and i still GOT time to blog and check facebook? but hey at least i'm not playing any game??

Well boys and girls, 2day is about "DO YOU WISH YOU KNOW THE FUTURE??" I wish I do T.T... I can make a profit out of it!! and dont nid to go school!! I can be the richest bastard in the WORLD!! LOLZ. okay here's the thing. some people think they REALLY can see the future!! okay... psychics can read people mind... and sometimes predict the future... but how de hell would they know it when its just made up?? Okay... if they can PROVE it then yeah... you might start saying "OMG TELL ME MY FUTURE!!!!" and ask stupid questions ... like EXAMPLE... jacky ask "will i be able to get the 1 i truly love??" or maybe ferik ask "will bears fly?" OR nasrul ask "can i fuck you?" (okay that was plain stupidity)...

but hell I wish I can know the future... its like having GOD'S gift in your arms ... and using it to do good.... (or bad, SORRY JESUS, but wats the good of it when u cant have fun?" XD.

okay ... this evening orphan ... u asked me that question right?? ... okay I have to admit... Idk how la... but when I look at yr face and eye... I got a HUNCH that u feel err... how u put this... disorientated?? .... okay lets just put it this way... TROUBLED. Its not that I'm LYING to u about it... just think it maybe be useless for me to say it... hmmm sorry orphan T.T

For those of u who STILL thinks me and audrey have a lil *STH* .... STOP BULLSHITTING AND THINK WE GOT SOME SORT OF RELATIONSHIP!!! OKAY??!!! WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!! BROTHER AND SISTER!!! THATS ALL TO SAY!!! PEACE OUT AMIGOS

One Last Cry

2009-09-30T14:03:00.000+08:00

Regardless... I know I've been emo, emo and emo this few weeks... (looks like few months to me) but when I hear this song... Brian Mcknight - One Last Cry ... I started picturing my life in the song... and cried every time I imagine it... I know, I know... its not normal for a guy like my age to easily cry... but it really takes to the limit ... where I think about it.. it just brings me down.

When I watch this chinese drama "Moonlight Resonance" I was like ... WOW, imagine if my life would turn out to be like HELL!!

Its a good drama but it would be a nightmare for any1 who dreams of having those life...

Hmm... I'm glad orphan made her own decision... but I cant say whether you did was right or wrong... you did wat you think is right for you ... and thats final. I'll always support you on any choices or decisions you make... if you nid advice... well you can always find me... but my words are really pathetic... and always ignored...

Haiz... sometimes its better if i just shut my mouth up... lolz this morning jacky ask us this question. (for males)

If u and this girl know each other for a longgg time.. and that u and her are close/best friends. One day you were talking with this girl for HOURS on the phone!!! and then she tells you that she LIKES you (not as friend, as lover) or she said that "my mums thinks I like you". How would you react?

Me and aaron was like (speechless for 10 sec and came up with an answer) ... "O" *close the phone* XD haha, then after school, me and ferik listen to the ssaaammeee question again... but then, this time the answer was "you got the wrong number" *SLAM* imagine if u talk with some1 for hours and u came up with THAT answer =.= its a disaster!

Jacky i wish u good luck on getting joshua!! XD lolz *think nasrul* ALALALALALALA!!!! ROCKET LAUNCHER WITH OSAMA FACE SHOT TO JOSHUA!!! XXXDDD *those of you who dont get it... dont ask* (only us know) XD

I STILL LOVE ORPHAN NO MATTER WHAT! XD!

Happy days

2009-09-27T11:19:00.000+08:00

well... today is sunny and it looks like a bright day today. I got no mood on writing my dairy anymore. Yeah yeah... for those of u who didnt notice... I have a dairy, okay? all the personal probs,personal notes and what so ever... (not emo today)

Urgghh... i shouldnt have ate too much sushi last night.... my stomach hurts till now..

There's alot of stuff going trought my mind right now... like why am I writing this blog for anyway? just to let others know how I feel?? or just to let it all in a box.
I dont know myself... but it felt good...

I always had some stupid imagination of things... like me being a super hero? Hell I dont wanna know it... or imagine that I went to a far.. far place... through the whole galaxy... living in space... everything you can do in space... work, eat, sleep, sex??, and etc... but this is not worth it...

There are times that most people wouldnt notice something that is going on in me.... thats because I dont want my friends to share the burden I carry ... neither my parents ... nor my best brother know what problems i have right now... because they only said ... concentrate on your studies, study hard, this, that, bla bla bla and so on.

Okay ... so I'm still bullshitting about my inner soul gone out of me... well .. that is bullshit... but even my best friends dont even give a damn about it... cant blame them .. because I'm just babbling out all the crap that I said...

Haiz.... I dont know... sometimes its hard to move on with life... motivation,courage,will to live,and something to fight for.... this things keep me from falling off from london bridge.. and makes me stand up no matter what happens...
but there's a time I wonder... is this all worth it? Question is... if all the things I do and done.... is it all worth the life? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I dont know myself. Only god knows what i'm doing and how i feel... but he's not helping alot... (thanks alot chunks)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA guess I'm just going MMAAADDD again...

those of you who REALLY are worried about me.... pls ... stop worrying for me if some people worry about me too much.... I'll think about it for some time... but i doubt my heart can stand for another letdown on the task i do...

The Late Night Post..

2009-09-27T00:51:00.000+08:00

Damnation. I just can't believe my luck was really down today.... when I went to tuition. It was raining... I love the rain ... but on a bad saturday, that is just so shit... I walked to tuition and guess wat happen? I fell down and broke my damn slipper ZZZ ... I told myself ... NVM, just walk to tuition now... well it was account tuition ... my teacher try to fit me and my friends in 1 room ... (so damn sempit this...) and then we do objective questions... finished 1 and a half hour, we play Real Football 2010 on our phone .. COMPLETELY ignoring the CCTV which my teacher put at every teaching room... and he was watching us all the time... as a result... he keep us till 12.30 ... I then went down to my mum's car... and she then complain this, that, this ,that ... MAN!!

Then we go eat KO NAU MIAN ... the mee was so weeeetttttt ... but still eat la... haiz... went home ... faz faz go up on computer then come down watch tv awhile... and when I get up to the computer, MY FUCKING COMPUTER'S FILE GONE CORRUPTED!!! I FIND THE RESTART DISK CANNOT!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!
then I try use the laptop ... at leat its working... but then internet cannot ... FORK!!!!

When almost reach to 3... I look at my phone with my original num. and I saw message
from Au$drey at 2.06 written "Whr u? We'r going 1b..." WWWWWWTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFF LLLAAAAA. but its my own fault... HAIZ.... when i call ferik, they were there alreadi... call him to tell jac's mum to pick me.... but when I get a reply... cannot ...go in movie... haiz... and then orphan was there with them all together... remember wat I said to you at that morning....

when past 3 o'clock... I was fucking angry and I scream till the whole neighbourhood heard me........ haiz.... i'm down with my luck these few weeks ...

jesus christ... what have I done to deserve this.... i feel like strangling myself with a rope..... haiz.....

Brian Mcknight - The only one for me

La la lla la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
La la lla la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
You say you?ve seen too many things,
That turn out to be too good to be true.
Against your better judgment, opened up your heart,
?til you found the joke was on you.
Looking out on the rest of our lives,
If we?re gonna be together or apart
About the only way I know how to come,
Is right straight from my heart.
I want you now,
I?ll show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
I?ve been around,
But now I?ve found
That you?re the only one for me.
Say you?ll never fall again
You won?t subject yourself to such pain
If you give me half a chance I will
Never leave you standing out in the rain
But if you think that I could look you in your face and lie right
Through my teeth
Then turn around and walk away
Cross my heart, girl I care for you and when I look into your eyes i
Must say...
I need you now
I?ll show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
I?ve been around
But now I?ve found
That you?re the only one for me
I need you so
I can?t let go
Gonna be all that I can be
I want you still
I always will
Cause you?re the only one for me
La la lla la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
La la lla la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
I want you now
I?ll show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
I?ve been around
But now I?ve found
That you?re the only one for me
I need you so
I can?t let go
Gonna be all that I can be
I want you still
I always will
Cause you?re the only one for me

this song speaks from my heart....

S.H.I.T!!!!

2009-09-26T16:02:00.000+08:00

AARRGGGHHHH now i'm sitting at home... ALONE... shish... audrey!! why u didnt sms to my other number!!! T.T so sad la have to make me stay at home!!! i want to take that vios out for a ride... but then.... T.T ... haiz but have to blame myself also ... cause my credit on my orginal number has really ROCKED the mountain lolz.... rm2++ X.X die... tu la... use internet on phone.... (blame myself)

because i sms tooo much ... i reach to the value of... 3000 smses (record!!) on my orignal phone... shish ... i hate post-paid... i wan prepaid!!!! 1 sen per sms!!!!!

well i like to chat ma ... what to do?? haiz.... now i also use my mums sim card... sms till rm8+... omg..... NID CHANGE TO PREPAID A.S.A.P!!!!!!!!!!

lolz i guess i'm just babbling out like a stupid cow... but still haiz...

hmm... dunno wat else to say.... wait...

TEDDY BEAR LOVE ORPHAN 4EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lolz i sot jo

another awkward moment....

2009-09-26T08:59:00.000+08:00

Women... i dont understand them sometimes... i always thought that guys and gals are equal kinds...(not always... cause girls r really stronger than guys... no offense guys XD).

well... i can't say that she's weird (she's not, so beat it) ... but everything she tells me and do makes me laugh like hell. It's funny really... felt like i have a connection with her... well... i dont hope alot... i told her my feelings are locked inside of me and that i wont make another havoc... i want her to be happy no matter what...

so yeah.. i wont think about it twice... i dont know why... she makes me happy and she cares bout me... (unlike my parents =.=|||) i felt alive when i'm with her... chatting .. smsing ... talk about stupid stuff... hmm.... still thinking of just now message she send me... i can't tell if she's serious or not... lolz ... but i just go on with the flow~~ (which means lets see what happens)

Michael Jackson- Beat it!!

They told him don't you ever come around here
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it

You better run, you better do what you can
Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man
You wanna be tough, better do what you can
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it

They're out to get you, better leave while you can
Don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man
You wanna stay alive, better do what you can
So beat it, just beat it

You have to show them that you're really not scared
You're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth or dare
They'll kick you, then they beat you,
Then they'll tell you it's fair
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Beat it, beat it, beat it

Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or who's right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Beat it, beat it, beat it

Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or who's right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Just beat it, beat it
Beat it, beat it, beat it

this songs for the boys who fight because they THINK they're MAN enough XD

Is life that dull??

2009-09-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

okay.. i dont wanna be emo now...

well ... i dont really believe in those buddish or chinese cultures... but something caught my attention... REINCARNATION... they say if the spirit of the deceased who did not done his/her part in life... they will be reborn to this very time of our life to finish wat he/she started... this really interest me... normally if that person is reborn he wont remember any1, anything he/she done in the past, or the loved 1... but if he/she really loves that person ... he/she will still have the feelings till 2day... and that he/she will do anything to get what he/she truly wants....

its just a folklore legends ... ancient stories... wat so ever ..

hmm... i dont really know wat to write.... lets see.. @.@

this song really is nice indeed

Michael learns to rock- You took my heart away

Staring at the moon so blue
Turning all my thoughts to you
I was without hope or dream
Try to dull an inner scream
But you . . . saw me through . . .

Walking on a path of air
See your faces everywhere
As you melt this heart of stone
You take my hand to guide me home and now I�m in love

You took my heart away
When my whole world was grey
You gave me everything and a little bit more
And when it�s cold at night
And you sleep by my side
You become the meaning of my life . . .

Living in a world so cold
You were there to warm my soul
You came to mend a broken heart
You gave my life a brand new start
And now . . . I �m in love

You took my heart away
When my whole world was grey
You gave me everything and a little bit more
And when it�s cold at night
And you sleep by my side
You become the meaning of my life . . .

Holding your hands
I won�t fear tomorrow
Here where we stand
We never be alone

You took my heart away
When my whole world was grey
You gave me everything and a little bit more
And when it�s cold at night
And you sleep by my side
You become the meaning of my life . . .
You become the meaning of my life . . .
You become the meaning
You become the meaning of my life . . .

this is the only thing i can think of right now... SORRI

Choices

2009-09-25T14:56:00.000+08:00

Well 1st of all i dont know how start this thing...

i dont know la... wat's so hard on making decisions... you just have to have TIME to think about it... i'm telling any1 that is reading this blog la... if you want to make decision ... what u need is TIME AND ADVICE FROM YR FRIENDS...

i dont know la... since you made your choice ... i'm not fit to say anything at all... guess i'm just a shadow passing through just to say HI ....

well i dont know why am i feeling dull right now on my life.... i try to be strong... i fight and fight on every time i'm down and out... i never give up because there's i fight for something.... that something is very special to me... when times i feel like giving up and just die... i think of that something.... and thats the only thing that keeps me going .... going on with my life... i couldnt imagine if that something just walk off from my life... i just cant ....

well you know WHAT THEY ALL SSAAYY??!!! leave it to fate... only god will decide for you... yeah i guess i can say...

TO HELL WITH FATE... THE ONLY THING I I BELIEVE IS TO DIE FOR SOMETHING THAN DYING FOR NOTHING...

man ... i cant believe i'm babbling like an asshole...

well we all lie... some are for bad reasons ... some are for good reasons... i know that ... i lied too... but i lied for a good reason...

who wouldnt lie for the 1 they care.... i mean ... come on...

well i'm just bullshitting ... peace out people

Weird days...

2009-09-24T11:16:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna write all this without thinking anything so yeah... lolz

there's something in my thoughts that have been bugging me since form 3.... i tell you why i fall for you ....

when i 1st went into 3m1 ... it felt like a normal school day... hanging out with friends... study... and etc but then ... when u came in the class... i dont know why la.. my heart start pumping like there was never going to be a 2mr.... swt i was DAMN nervous.... i dont talk to girls much.... so yeah ... i dont know how to talk with you that time... de only person i know how to talk wif is my mum ... (duh)... lolzzzz i feeling awkward now saying this... but i have to let it out la...

i dont know why la... i mean you may think .. of all the pretty and beautiful girls... why do i have to fall for u? ... well... i feel sth special about u ... and that when i look at you .. u're the only one who makes me feel comfortable and alive... and well... i maybe be paranoid... lol...

and yeah... when form 4 i feel a lil close to you... but i'm a guy with few words... so i dont have alot of topics to say... form 5 was really stressful la... study... study and study... i dont want to put a burden on u ... but yet i did...

when that day i sms wif u and ask who u like? ... u said it was aaron... i was like lost and confused la.... so sorry that i have to open my big mouth and tell the gangs.... but that time ... i really feel like getting it of my shoulders... if not i suffer even more... well now u're with aaron... i'm happy for u..

i dont want anything... i dont even want any love or sth... i just want u to be happy and see that smile of yours every day... and i tell u this ... AGAIN... that i will always be here no matter what the cause or anything... i will always be here to support on what u do and care for you... that is all i wished for...

so yeah ...this is really stupid.....

I'LL BE BACK (the famous terminator's words)

2009-09-22T18:20:00.000+08:00

hmm.... back to kk now.... yeap.... back to the usual studies and all...
walao i seriously cannot eat 2night o zzz, the steamboat i ate last night was just TOO MUCH TO HANDLE... there was fried chicken wings, mee goreng, clams, prawn, crabs, yi fu, and etc .... walao i gain a few punds eating these stuffs =.=|||

well... sandakan wasnt all bad ... and i realise i CAN live without computer for 4 days XD (3 technically)... the food wasnt bad ... but the people ... like no R.E.S.P.E.C.T lolz... well i dunno la...

but then... those few days ... my mind was really on somewhere ... no mood to do anything... my thoughts in my head keeps on bugging and makes me feel uneasy...
and i just found out that i DONT really have feelings for her.... PEACE!!! @.@

the famous words of the 3 muskateers... (why they say 3 when there's 4??)

ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!!!!!

other words of bravery
TOGETHER WE STAND UNITED AS ONE!!!!!
ONE SHALL STAND, ONE SHALL FALL!!!!!

haha really stupid 2night.... i realise that 1 people can be really fucking annoying ... when they are really lost, down and confused.... in all circumstences... sometimes i dont get it...

yes i guess i can be stupid sometimes ... and so DAMN annoying that u will say ... MAN I FEEL LIKE KICKING THIS GUY'S BALLS!!!
its the way i am right now... i dont wanna act smart?! or show off... its so fucked up... i dont know la .... some hard decisions i have to make this few days ...

what can you do anyway... it's life... and all of us have to deal with the decisions we make and take consiquences in it...

I know that ... i made a whole lots of mistake... and i hurt lots of people... including the ones i love and care.... but somehow ... i nid some1 to tell me ... where did i go wrong? what do i nid to do to change it? ..... should i let fate rain on me so that i can know it??

i dont know... man... am i chasing false hope and dream?? .... its a burden... to watch it go away .... its like a heavy boulder dropped to my back ... and makes me wanna cry alot of times... but i hold on and remind myself.... to get up and move on the road you took along time ago ...

the road of never return.... i'm really confused now... i dont even know wat i wrote ... or wat i feel right now... the only thing in my mind now is emptiness

i think ... thats the road that i will stop half way.... and take the other road.... dont worry ... its not like i'm gonna kill myself or sth.... this i gotta decide myself... and i hope that i wont regret it....

All the kings man lays dead

2009-09-19T09:33:00.000+08:00

well well well...

Is it true that we all live in a lie? each and everyone of us thinks that way, we cant always tell the difference in our lives.... what difference are we ? we're all human and that we share the same blood... reminds me of the world war... why would they? willing to kill each other just get get something they want? cant they just do it peacefully or sth?? ... i think the people from the past are damn stupid... well... i did learn sth from christianity...

we all have sins ... no one in this world is pure... only with redemption and purity can that 1 person will be forgiven ... and take his/her place with god himself...
Anger, the most powerful weapon mankind could ever had... it is this anger that lead to fear,grief,madness and etc. but its also a powerful weapon for the fallen angel, Satan himself,

thou who do not fear the apocalypse will have god's protection
and thou who did not cleanse his/her sin will be banished to hell
god will not forgive those who are trully evil
but know this that he always shelter us with his love and grace.
for each and every1 of us, he watches us from our heart...

lolz i dont know why i write this complication ... but it made me felt better... haha
guess we all aren't how we used to be ... ehh?

realli swt...

2009-09-18T23:38:00.000+08:00

4 blogs post in 1 day??? wow i guess i realli had all the time .... haha... anyways...

Without You lyrics

Hinder – Without You

I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something’s changed
You’ve been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine
Without you

Called you up cause’ it’s been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it’s taken its toll on me
It’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine
Without you

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it’s taken its toll on me
It’s safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought id say
I’m fine,
Without you
Without you
Without you
Without you
I just wanna be alone tonight,
I just wanna take a little breather.

hmm.... dont know why i like this song so much ... here's another classical 1 XD

Show me the meaning of being lonely

So many words for the broken heart
Its hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me...

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I cant be there where you are
Theres something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze
Guilty roads to an endless love
Theres no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I cant be there where you are
Theres something missing in my heart

Theres nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be youre asking me to feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I cant be there where you are

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I cant be there where you are
Theres something missing in my heart

stupid bah me ... i'm really going to hurt myself 1 day if i keep thinking the same thing all over again.... dam i'm hungry now.... mum was right... that milk tea make people hungry =.=|||

guess i'm just 1 of those people who thinks that their prob is the worst huh... well.... this is a prob i will take it to my grave ... it is craved in my heart ... and that wound will never be healed again.... the bleeding wont stop... no1 can stop it.... i'm deeply hurt inside... not even god can help me... send me to hell if u must .... do whatever you think of doin it to me, i dont care anymore...

Something from the past...

2009-09-18T20:19:00.000+08:00

Well..... i meet some old friends at facebook.... they remind me of my past.... a BAD past if u may put that way... haiz

i remember how i used to be a crybaby... hell that past was the worst time of my life.... got bullied always ...beaten ... all those kids stuff ... well ...there was 1 time ... i almost went to mental school....(i dont know if they had 1)

all the pressure in my head ... all those noise i heard from my head ... i heard a voice ... calling my name non-stop.... the echo ringing in me... it had me once ... it tried to kill me... my inner self... it tells me to go die, kill yrself and all those hellish words.... i gone mad once .... i dont want that to happen to me now....

my inner self did left me liao... i hope it wont come back .... i've been hurt more and more... but i wouldnt bother telling any1... cause i dont want to put my burden on them .... it's something i should carry on my own..

yeah... now i'm just crapping all this shit out ... haiz...

i'm troubled again...2day... remain confused and despair... pls... if any1 reading this ... just dont care bout me...

1 week of boringness....

2009-09-18T13:23:00.000+08:00

Well woopdifuckingdue...... it's gonna be 1 hell of a holday .... NO, IT'S GONNA BE 1 LOOONNNNGGGGG BORING HOLIDAY ZZZ. 2mr i'm off to sdk ..... dunno wat to do there besides eating steamboat seafood, study, maybe go play my cuz's x-box XD, juz play playstation 2 at my neice's place .... lolz wth SPM LAAAAAAA *slap myself*

hmm... maybe i go there watch THE UGLY TRUTH, or maybe yet ... FINAL DESTINATION 4 XD....

man oh man.... i've been thinking of my future... after spm ... and after college and studies... we go work... all my bestest friends will go their separate ways ... and we all will be sad to be apart of each other ... but thats what life is all about ... you grow up, study,learn alot of stuffs, meet friends that u wish u will never break apart.....(i'm gonna miss u guys when it comes to that day ... T.T) get a career .. meet the one's whom you think is miss/mister right, get married ... childrens... live old age... and FINNALY die ..... swt i think too much...

we all die one day ... but not now....

but now we have to enjoy our moment while we still live in this world.... life moves so fast ... if you dont do what you wanna do you may regret it one day...

ENJOY YR HOLIDAYS Y'ALL

Confusion

2009-09-17T16:12:00.000+08:00

Damn..... i'm really confused on my life right now. I've been wondering the same thing all over again ... and it just wont go away... sure my soul have left my body for good and that i dont care about anything.... but then a new 1 just came in... wth..... you know what they say ... when 1st love goes unsuccesful... u move on to the second choice... lolz remind me of a movie... "when the 1st one didnt go well, u gotta have a back-up lover =.=|||" STUPS!!!

all in awhile ... i think i've been thinking too much... its all in my head ... haiz .... i don't know what to do ...

i wish someone could just walk up to me and tell me what the hell is going on with my life!!!

Death isn't a solution to all problems, eventhough you wont feel a thing when you woke up on the other side... the ones you left behind? Do you ever think of them?? Your friends? your family? your boyfriend/girlfriend? They would be even more hurt and suffering than YOU. If you always think of killing yourself then you really have a problem.... stupid cow... hell i think u're even STUPID than ANY1 THAT HAVE LIVED AND DIED IN THIS WORLD!! You gotta move on your life... it's not like the end of the world??!! right??

thats wat i told myself when i'm down..... but now ... i'm really fucked up confused.... am i really in love with her(not u jess) ?? jesus ... help me...

here's sth in 1borneo ... THE NEW ICE BAR!!!

2009-09-16T14:13:00.000+08:00

haha the ice bar look nice

DAMN IT IT CAME BACK TO ME ZZZ

2009-09-15T16:35:00.000+08:00

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

Cry......

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down.....
To my last cry.....

Brian mcknight - one last cry....
this is the only song that makes me cry everytime i hear it .....
well add maths 2day was ???!!! FUCKING HARD LA !!!!!! PAPER 2 SUDDENLY COME OUT 3 EQUATIONS !! me,aaron and jacky was like ..... WTFFFFF!!!!! XXDD glad excel's over ... but then 2 days l8r pp2 zzzz oh great .... wats next ?? OH I KNOW SPM ZZZZ I'LL be VERY i mean VERY HAPPY THEN

B.O.R.E.D

2009-09-08T14:32:00.000+08:00

haiz .... these few days r the most BORING day of my life...... i want do do alot of stuff when school ends @.@ .... here's some list of wat i wanna do, XD

1)get driving license
2)get a girl O.o
3)waste myself on the bar
4)go taylor's college .... maybe....
5)go around the world ... yeah baby @.@
6)hope dont get H1N1 ....
7)wanna take a pail of water and pour it on pengetua ..... PROBABLY!! XD
8)punch the people i want to punch for a long time ...
9)fufill jess's wishlist as much as i can .... swt...
10)still hang out wif the gangs XD

so yeah ... thats my current list @.@ maybe more to come!!!!

yup ... i prefer being a bachelor like mark.... if not more heartbreaks ...... haha no more feelings in myself ... and i dont care ~~~~ lalalala

Dead and gone

2009-08-30T00:17:00.000+08:00

yup... i'm a fucking wreackless stupid bastard....... any1 who have an opinion on my attitude and how i live my live ?? speak freely ......

the good wong is dead and gone inside.... no more ..... he wont come back ..... i wont let him come back.... so wat?? i dont fucking care if i hurt sum1?! i dont care if they say i'm this or that!! i know i'm just a fucked up drunk ass ..... SO WHAT??!!!

i dont care less about what happen these past few days anymore.... few drinks ... and lots of thinking makes me wonder.... whats the point??? whats the POINT of continuing on that road when some1 you like hate you!! I'M DONE!!! FINISHED!!! there's no point at all on this life.... fate... pfft i rarely believe at anything now....

i'm off to the POINT OF NO RETURN!!! i thank those who try to help me ... and adviced me to continue wif life.... hell.... i'm better off on my own.... sorry guys!!

only GOD can show me the path now.... i need guidance.... what i need is a miracle...

i'm sorry...

2009-08-27T08:56:00.000+08:00

i write this blog on my free will...... jessica ... YES the blog i write about the gal and the guy is you and aaron.... i'm really sorry..... i shouldnt have lied again.... i've been keeping that feelings for like almost 2 years ....

hell... 2 fucking years .... i keep this feelings to myself.... and i feel so selfish ..... i know that u like aaron , and that he likes u too......

well..... i'll leave the circle.... i'll leave u both together .... and be yr normal teddy bear.... if you dont wanna see me or talk to me anymore ... then fine .... i had enough sad feelings inside me that would break me down.... if we still can be friends ... i appreciate it...

i wont even bother you and aaron anymore.... you're a good gal... any1 who has u is a lucky guy....
i know i wont have the chance ..... but i'll still be wif you ... as a friend ... as your teddy bear....

aaron u have my word.... this message i will carry it to my grave ....

Teddy bear !!!!!

2009-08-26T15:08:00.000+08:00

lolz zzz again she force me to write this blog @.@ if not she cry .... huhu ....

well .... hmm... when was it she started calling me teddy bear?? OH ya form 3 .... lolz i dont know why she call me that .... cause i'm big??? hugable?? adorable??? (i'm gonna puke).

haiz ... today was lost concentration day ... haha ... account in the morning .... account l8r at the night ... yeepy fucking day ..... i got daniel's sickness lolzzz ... always feel sleepy and wanna fall down when the teacher talking "bla bla bla bla" tats all i learn from account XD...

nth special la today.... its the same old same old prob and stuff.....

i dont know if that teddy bear in wisma merdeka is big enough... HMMM.... ( bro if u're reading this!! HELP GET ME A BIG POLAR BEAR !!!!!! I'LL PAY U BACK !!!! ) =P

i'm really sick with this com zzz always crash crash crash ZZZ i wanna smash it ......

oh ya, i will always remember this word ... "hope is the 1st step on the road to dissapointment ... and greif...

Jessica's teddy bear XD signing off

My blog....

2009-08-24T14:31:00.001+08:00

well i dont know why i wanna start this blog .... ( jessica force me to write if not she will abuse this teddy bear @.@ ARRRGGGHHH HELP ME !!!! )

WELL these few months ... have been all stressfull MONTH ... juz few more months and we're freeeeeee yay!! XD but..... 1st we nid to study zzz DANG IT!!!!!!!!!!! I WAN FFFFRRRRREEEEDDDDDDOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

haiz...... well all my friends and including my bro adviced me to move along..... they told me this "well you gotta let her go on her way.... if fate really calls upon you guys ... she will come back to you" .... point is ... i want her to be happy .....

here's the real thing... i like this girl.... ( wont tell the real name ) i know her for quite awhile... we're close friends la .... but problem is ... she like my other best friend ..... and my best friend likes her..... eventhough they know for almost a year ........ haiz ..... i really fan la now zz... i dont know if i want to let her go..... but its like .... i'm de 3rd person in this love equation .....

i really want to hug her ..... and be there for her forever ....... if fate is really tat cruel..... then i have to lay down my arms and back down...... i really wish i wont make this stupid mistake ....